Ultimately, with only one person we spend our entire life – with ourselves. And it would be very strange to live life with an unloved person. Healthy self-love, self-acceptance is the basis for interacting with the world, building a career and family, and friendships. Self-love is often associated with low self-esteem, an inadequate image of a person’s “I”. How to love and accept yourself? Reconsider your whole life and change your thinking.
Where does self-dislike come from?
The first thing to start with is to find out where the self-loathing comes from. What exactly does not suit you? What standards are you targeting? Who told you about the cons, what do you think?
If you are burdened by the mistakes of the past, then you need to work them out. To understand that the situation cannot be changed, but you can learn from this experience and not repeat it. All people make mistakes. Without this, existence is impossible. The one who does nothing is not mistaken.
There are 3 main areas of reasons for self-loathing:
- Parents. Unfortunately, sometimes the parenting style is fatal to the child. If the child was to deserve the love of his parents, to succeed in everything, to meet the requirements, then there is a high probability of non-acceptance of himself in the future.
- School. Childhood peers are often violent. No matter how hard you try, you can always find a reason for “bullying”. Consider if the root of the problem is there.
- Difficult relationship, first love. Sometimes a person’s self-esteem is trampled by his loved one. If you were in a difficult relationship, where you were humiliated, pushed around you, instilled in complexes, then, probably, the problem is from there.
In some cases, several reasons affect at once. And this is not surprising. In childhood, parents start a scenario with their upbringing, according to which the child goes in the future. Therefore, problems at school, and relationships are destructive, and the whole life does not add up.
One way or another, you have to find the exact reason, name it and admit it. For offenders, find excuses and forgive. Scenario – change.
Don’t blame yourself. The situation will not get better from this, on the contrary, it will worsen. But don’t get overly self-pitying either. Your task is to soberly assess the situation and yourself, draw up a plan for change. Yes, you can’t just affect self-esteem or self-love. You need to change your whole life, all of yourself.
Self-love is not selfishness. This is harmony with yourself and the world around you, self-respect and self-confidence. In turn, this has to do with self-awareness and its product – self-concept. I think the problem lies somewhere in there.
Why you can love yourself
For love to be adequate and strong, you need to focus on the inner world, and not on the outside. Appearance, if not satisfied, can be adopted or altered. But loving yourself for your appearance is not worth it.
Self-love as an independent self-sufficient person, a unit, looks more adequate. Realize that you do not need to be complemented, for you yourself are whole. Neither a partner in a relationship, nor a new car or clothes will help you fall in love with yourself. Actually, the alteration of the exterior is a dead-end path.
In general, you need to love yourself for the very fact of existence, value and respect your life. But for self-realization this, of course, is not enough. Then the speech comes in:
- about satisfaction of needs;
- search for the meaning of life;
- prioritization;
- revaluation of values.
Thank yourself and others
To accept something, you need to thank it. When it comes to acceptance, we mean something that doesn’t quite suit us. These can be negative character traits, defects in appearance, illness. If you accept something, it will become your part and stop interfering with self-development, distracting.
It is also important to thank everyone, especially those who are hurt. They brought you experience and made you stronger, wiser, smarter.
Farewell
Forgive yourself for failures or shortcomings. Get better, but don’t blame yourself if you make a mistake. As soon as you begin to engage in self-flagellation, say clearly out loud in front of the mirror: “There is what is. This is fine. I accept myself. I have the right to make mistakes. ” And that’s all. You can and should keep going forward, but for that you need strength. And they will not be if they have already been spent on experiencing negative emotions.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
I think, dear reader, you know that you can only compare yourself with yourself. And that is a controversial issue. As for other people, we are all different. There are no good or bad, stupid or smart, capable or incapable. Each has its own structure of the psyche, its own speed of processes, its own heredity and experience.
Study yourself:
- temperament;
- character;
- personality;
- capabilities;
- interests and more.
The better you know yourself, the more faithfully you act, the more successful you are, which means your self-esteem is higher.
If your dislike is based on the phrase “I’m a failure, I never succeed,” then it is possible that you tried to “swim” in the wrong direction. The difference in thinking, its types and features of the work of the hemispheres have been discussed for several years. They talk about introverts and extroverts for a reason. You need to find your own environment for self-realization. If the activity suits your characteristics, then everything goes well by itself.
I recommend asking yourself questions every day:
- What new things have I learned today, what have I learned?
- Am I out of my comfort zone?
- What lesson did I learn today?
Every day, you must answer these questions clearly and clearly. This is the only way you will improve yourself. Remember that chasing someone can take a lot of energy. Direct them towards self-improvement. Go ahead and don’t look at the success of others.
Love yourself, your mind and your body
Lead a healthy lifestyle for you. But by this I mean not the usual “eat vegetables, go to the gym”, although this is not bad. A healthy lifestyle is one that gives you the strength to live, does not distract you for anything else. Someone can only eat vegetables, someone cannot live without meat, and someone cannot think of anything else if they do not eat at least one candy. Everyone has their own recipe for a healthy lifestyle. The only thing that can be in common is the abandonment of habits that destroy a person.
Respect your mind. What does this mean?
- Be selective about the information that comes into it.
- Know how to resist manipulation.
- Develop positive thinking and clarity of thought.
- Meditate, that is, free your mind.
- Feed it regularly with useful and interesting material for you.
Do not tolerate
There is nothing worse than putting up with something that destroys your personality. What you can change – change. If the change of conditions is not within your control, then change your attitude to the situation. But you must be satisfied with who is around you, where you are and what you are doing.
Learn to take responsibility for your life. In any unsatisfactory situation, ask the question: how did I create this situation. Analyze, paint, draw conclusions, set goals, achieve them.
Awareness of responsibility for your own life and control over the situation helps a lot to love yourself.
Epilogue
Whether you like it or not, you have to get to know yourself in order to love. This often turns out to be an unpleasant and painful process, but what to do.
As I said, go through a complete psychological diagnosis (it will not be difficult to find tests on the Internet). Along with that, write down your pros and cons. Make a list of what you are valuable for. I advise you to start getting to know yourself with the following questions:
- What am I interested in, what am I hobbying for or want to get carried away?
- How is this hobby useful for me? The answer must be, otherwise it turns out that the hobby needs to be changed.
- What emotions do I give to people and what do I get? It suits me?
- Am I morally, physically and financially independent?
- What kind of interlocutor am I?
I understand that self-acceptance will not come at the snap of your fingers, although I say that self-love should be unconditional. Don’t be afraid to live your life. You probably don’t love yourself because you betrayed your own interests, dreams, desires. Find yourself and give what you are missing.
Try to compose a portrait of a person who would be attractive to you, whom you would respect. Now try it on yourself. I think it’s possible to achieve any image if you want. Perhaps you already have some tools (not the fact that you know about them, that’s why diagnostics are needed), but some can be purchased with the help of self-development, courses, education.
However, remember that there are no perfect people, lives and images. There is no need to go to the extreme of perfectionism and repeated self-deprecation.
In conclusion, I recommend reading the article “How to attract love into your life – advice from a psychologist” and “Self-awareness – what is it in psychology”. The last work will help you understand yourself, and the first one mentions self-love. Also, I think it will be useful for you to read the material “How to get rid of anxiety”, “How to get rid of fear”, “How to become self-confident”, “How to stop being lazy and start acting”, “How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything “,” Ways of self-regulation “,” 7 ways to make friends with yourself. “
