Finding a good friend is not easy, but becoming a good friend is even more difficult. The need for a meaningful loved one is inherent in every person. We are looking for friends, love, or both in one person. It was not in vain that I mentioned these two feelings – they are similar. They are distinguished only by the presence of sexual attraction, although this component is also found in heterosexual friendship.
What is friendship
According to SI Ozhegov’s dictionary, friendship is a close interpersonal relationship based on common interests and hobbies, affection, mutual trust and respect. It is a selfless relationship that feeds everyone involved.
Friendship does not tolerate selfishness, but it respects the needs of each participant in the relationship. The bottom line is that one person is interested in both personal well-being and the well-being of a friend. Therefore, special importance is given to the similarity of people: similar desires, dreams, hobbies.
But at the same time, differences are also significant, allowing friends to complement each other. And what’s interesting is that there is no single point of view about what exactly should be the same and what should be different. Each person sets these criteria for himself.
For friendship, support, dedication, joint pastime, the participants’ interest in the life and well-being of each other are important. What friendship gives:
- meeting the need for communication, a significant loved one, other personal needs;
- psychotherapy: empathy, mutual assistance, support, etc.
- self-knowledge and socialization;
- development of social skills;
- self-expression and self-development.
It also has a positive effect on health: strengthening the immune system, preventing cardiovascular diseases, mental disorders. The researchers concluded that friendship even develops creativity.
How to find friends
To find friends, you need to be able to be friends yourself. It is important to understand the basis of friendship – common interests. But what is curious is that this is only the first step, and not the pinnacle of friendship, and certainly not an indicator of a real, strong friendship.
True friendship is easy to spot. Think about which statement is closer to your relationship: “we are friends because …” or “we are friends in order to …”. True friendship is endowed with meaning, purpose, prospects.
The answer to this question helps to rethink current relationships, get rid of unnecessary people, direct all energy in only one direction. This is probably why there is only one best friend. I also believe that there cannot be many friends. The quality of the relationship is more important than the quantity.
How to find a friend:
- Do not make this need a fix idea, so as not to suffer in the future. American sociologists have experimentally proved that friendship is mutual only in 50% of cases, although each person is sure that his sympathy is shared.
- Do not chase after demanded and popular people. As a rule, they create the imbalance described in the previous paragraph.
- Avoid ambivalence of feelings. If you seem to be interested in a person, but sometimes you avoid him or do not answer the call, then this cannot be called friendship. You should not waste energy and time on this. Ambivalent friendship reduces the level of stress resistance, causes premature aging, and weakens the immune system.
- Learn to listen and communicate, develop communication skills. This also includes the ability to prevent and resolve conflicts, to feel the experiences of another person with the help of empathy and emotional intelligence, and to show tolerance.
- Pay attention to similarities in tastes, preferences, worldview, characters, temperaments, values and attitudes. Of course, there are no people with whom we are 100% similar, but there are people who complement us, who are ready to put up with our shortcomings, and we with their features. In this case, you need to assess the ability to find compromises, to listen to each other. You are not obliged to agree with a friend in everything, but you are obliged to hear his position, understand and accept it, and respect the choice.
- Be yourself – you don’t want to cheat on the other person. Do not try to adapt to someone, suppress yourself, please, please, save yourself from loneliness. Be yourself. This will give confidence in a friend, relieve anxiety and worries, allow you to relax and enjoy your relationship. Friendship is needed so that a person with someone other than himself can be free and real. Maximum comfort and pleasure, minimum worries and negativity – this is the law of healthy friendship.
- Look for friends among people of your social status, material status, social well-being, preferred place and method of leisure, but do not forget about acceptable exceptions. In this case, gender and age are not important, pay attention to psychological compatibility. Remember that a person does not always lead the way of life that he dreams of, and sometimes hides his insides behind a social mask. And also remember that one person can pull another up to his level, of course, not without the consent and desire of the latter. The psychology of friendship, which emerged at the end of the 19th century, has not yet answered the question “what comes first: similarity of friends or friendship and further mutual adaptation, changes in participants.”
When building friendships, it is important to understand that life goals can diverge over time, the habits and values of the participants change. Remember to evaluate friendship in terms of prospects and your well-being. If you understand that old friendship is pulling you to the bottom, interfering with development, your friend sees no reason to go further with you, then it’s time to change your social circle.
In order for friendship to continue, you need to constantly look for new points of contact, because people are constantly developing, and sometimes the paths diverge. Long-term friendship meets, but you need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to find and lose friends more than once. Memories of the past will not go far.
Epilogue
Is a friend different from a friend, a good acquaintance? Yes. We turn to friends with the aim of sharing joy, sharing impressions, and in order to solve a difficult life problem, ask for help and support. Friends are needed for a pleasant stay. However, in the perception of some people, these terms do not differ.
But friendship does not depend on gender, but its different types have their own characteristics. We talked about this in the articles “Friendship between a man and a woman: myth or reality. What psychology says ”,“ Male and female friendship: what is the difference, whose is stronger. Is it true that male friendship is stronger than female friendship. “
