A person cannot live separately from society. Public opinion is important for each individual, it affects self-perception, self-concept of personality. But some people are so susceptible to someone else’s influence that they lose their own characteristics. Is it so important someone else’s opinion on how to learn to live for yourself and not for others? Let’s figure it out.
What is it, reasons
Dependence on someone else’s opinion makes a person not think about his own needs and interests. An addicted person does not ask questions about what he is, what he wants. He wants to know how he looks in the eyes of other people, how the world wants to see him, how others accept him.
The reasons for social addiction lie in childhood:
- Probably, the child had to beg for the love of his parents. If attention was to be earned, it is not surprising that the attitude “they love me like that, but they don’t like me like that” has passed into adulthood.
- The second prerequisite for such thinking is the suppression of the child’s independence. When a person does not have his own worldview, beliefs, he adjusts to other people’s ideas.
- Well, the third prerequisite is education in conditions of suppression, criticism, insults. Constant reproaches from the parents suppress the child’s initiative.
- The employment of parents and the desire to create the image of an ideal family, an exemplary child, that is, upbringing in conditions of increased moral responsibility and formalities also in the future causes dependence on the opinions of other people.
So, dependence on someone else’s opinion has the following prerequisites:
- the individual’s lack of confidence in himself;
- infantilism, lack of independence;
- fear of being abandoned, rejected;
- fear of loneliness;
- fear of error;
- unformed worldview;
- undeveloped, unbalanced self-concept;
- the need for praise, approval, love;
- desire to leave a good impression of yourself.
Sometimes only one case is to blame for addiction, which turned into a trauma. Moreover, the events did not necessarily develop in a family environment. So, a love note selected by the teacher, ridiculed in front of the whole class, is capable of provoking a child’s withdrawal into himself. All his life he will be afraid of recognition of his feelings for fear of being ridiculed, misunderstood, rejected again.
Is someone else’s opinion important
Someone else’s opinion should be listened to, taken into account, sometimes guided by it. But, firstly, not on any other people’s opinion, but only on the opinion of close and significant people. Secondly, you need to understand the position of the other person, but not necessarily accept it. We must not forget about ourselves, we must find a balance of egoism and altruism.
Addiction gives rise to internal tension, an inferiority complex, fears, anxiety. A person is confident in his insignificance, worthlessness. Gradually, the condition is aggravated by psychosomatic diseases, a feeling of powerlessness, general dissatisfaction with life.
How to get rid of and not depend on someone else’s opinion
To determine dependence on someone else’s opinion, think about how often the thought “what will people say, think?” Comes to you. If without it you do not even go shopping or in a cafe, then you are a very dependent person. Although addiction is a bigger problem if, looking back on others, you live in a hated city, go to an unloved job, and are married to a “good lot” rather than a loved one.
First of all, you need to understand why you follow the majority, even if it infringes on your rights and freedom. You are probably used to making decisions for you, which means you need to gain control over your own life:
- Read biographies of famous people, outstanding personalities, independent units. Even world-class stars have followers, imitators and haters. Everyone likes only a spineless person, one who does not represent anything, and therefore is convenient for the rest. You can’t please everyone and remain yourself at the same time.
- Learn to focus on your experience, think ahead. Why didn’t other people support your desire to change jobs? They remembered their experience, rely on their knowledge. But they do not see and do not know what you have. Assess yourself adequately, go along your own line, then it is possible that later people will change their minds. Work on self-confidence and self-esteem correction will help in this.
- Remember in detail the set of clothes of the saleswoman from the nearest store. Or the hairstyle of a fellow traveler on the bus. Don’t you remember? That’s right: people are busy with their worries, they have no time to consider other people. Of course, a bright hair color or an extravagant outfit will attract attention. But when it comes to the average statistical appearance and behavior, then no one will look at it.
- Make your own choices every day. Start small: clothes, lunch, rest. Then you can re-glue the wallpaper or rearrange the room. Then think about self-development, about the correspondence of your current life to your real needs, abilities, opportunities.
- You don’t know yourself at all, so you need to try, experiment. Note what you like and what you don’t, what you want to do, what you get. Record this in your personal journal.
- Learn to talk about your needs, desires. Stop guessing what others want. Observe yourself, learn to understand your own emotions and feelings.
- Learn to enjoy being alone. In order not to seek approval and love in every passer-by, you need to receive it from yourself. Describe your positive qualities, remember the situations in which you emerged victorious, acquire a hobby.
Grab a piece of paper, a pen, and write down the last problem that you focused on other people to solve right now. Fill in two boxes: the arguments of those around you and your response theses. Do this exercise regularly. You must learn to defend, argue your position.
Practice defending your views through films. Look at a picture, make up your own idea of it, determine what you agree with and what you don’t, what you liked, what seemed inappropriate. Discuss the movie with your friends. In such a situation, there can be no right or wrong people. Everyone expresses their attitude, their own vision of the plot. Any opinion will be correct, but more importantly – individual.
Epilogue
The addicted person is not familiar with himself. In this, adults, but addicted people are like preschoolers. Those who have not yet developed self-esteem, they draw conclusions about themselves based on the assessments and judgments of others. So far, you are looking at the words of others as at your mirror image.
It’s time to grow up. To do this, you need to do a lot of work on self-knowledge. Study your temperament, character, abilities. Make it a rule to analyze whose judgments govern you: personal or familiar people. Work on personal boundaries.
For the study of psychological trauma, the elimination of post-traumatic syndrome, I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.
