Friendship, love and acceptance are the three pillars of human relationships. But you need to start with yourself, because if there is no harmony with yourself, then you should not expect mutual understanding with the world. Learn how to accept and understand yourself, to make friends with your inner “I” – learn from this article.
Purpose and meaning of life
Life must have meaning, goals and objectives. Moreover, only you choose them, implement and change them. Where there is purpose and desire, there will always be motivation. Then you will not think why you need to do anything and live in general, but you will think how to achieve this.
The colossal difference is that in the first case, the brain begins to work in such a way that it focuses only on shortcomings, obstacles, and negative aspects. In the second case, he is looking for ways to achieve the goal, and therefore your internal and external resources. Of course, in the process, obstacles are also identified, but in the context of “I need to get rid of / change this”, which contributes to personal growth and self-improvement.
Your desires
Learn three rules:
- Doing what you feel like doing is not selfishness or abusive behavior, as long as you are a good person. But you are just that. Do not be intimidated by the phrase “be yourself and do what you want.” It is important to develop healthy selfishness in yourself. Healthy egoism is the satisfaction of one’s own interests, which does not contradict the interests of other people or goes to their advantage.
- You don’t need to be afraid or ashamed of your needs. If they do not infringe on the lives of other people, then you must satisfy the desire. You have the right to freedom of speech, thought, action. You have the right to say no if you don’t want something, or ask someone for help. Practice this every day. The more often you force yourself to act according to the personal guidelines of the inner world, the easier it will be for you to do this over time.
- Stop thinking about what people will say. People will always find something to say. You can never please the entire population. And what role does all of humanity play in your life? Choose a reference (meaningful, authoritative just for you) group. Only their opinion should be meaningful. However, remember the first two rules here.
Respect
Respect yourself and other people. This is especially true in communication. Do not voice your opinion or give advice unless asked to. But just as tactfully ask others. Or just ignore the extra advice. If you are distracted by every “rustle”, then you will never reach the goal.
Make it a rule to always speak on your behalf, excluding “You-utterances.” You say: “How can you make friends with yourself if you always focus on yourself?” That’s the point. This will allow you to learn to take responsibility for your words and life. For example, not “You upset me”, but “I was upset because I misunderstood you.” This is where self-acceptance begins. You need to love yourself with your merits and demerits, with your mistakes and victories.
Getting rid of neuroses
Discord with oneself is always neurosis to one degree or another. But in order to interact with yourself and the world in a new way, you need to break the old behavioral stereotypes and reactions worked out over the years and create new ones. That is, you need to regularly expand your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Choose what you don’t like yourself for, and break it. For example, indecision bothers you, which means that you need to make it a rule at least once a week to make an appointment with someone, call, approach strangers, and perform personal mini-feats.
Dealing with habitual anxiety, fears and compromise patterns will not be easy:
- First, you need to consciously slow yourself down on a regular basis (by the way, self-regulation techniques will help), but gradually a new way of behavior will become a habit.
- Ask yourself regularly, “Do I want this?” If not, then don’t. Forget about compromise and aim for collaboration. The fact is that with compromises, that is, an alternative choice, you cannot win, you will in any case be a loser, since you will satisfy only one side of your contradiction.
For example, you want to lose weight, but you don’t want to exercise. Whatever you choose (exercise and lose weight, or vice versa), a feeling of slight dissatisfaction with yourself will remain. Do not look for alternatives in desires, look for alternatives in the way of achieving them. For example, among all the variety of sports you will definitely find one to your liking – try it.
Reflection
I can assume that this will not take you, but in the form of self-examination. Have you thought about healthy and regular reflection, that is, analyzing your actions and feelings? Are you such an unworthy person with whom you do not need to be friends? Right now, write down on the sheet 10 of your achievements (help, advice, overcoming your fear) for today. And do it all the time. You can also write down all the positive things you have done for yourself and others throughout your life. Do not forget about any insect and bird that you helped.
Priorities
Often in life we have to choose between what we will gain and what we will lose if we fulfill some desire, achieve one of the goals. First of all, you need to describe the pros and cons, and then analyze them (both qualitatively and quantitatively). What does “quality” mean? By priority. How to define your personal priority system:
- If you cannot outline the priorities yourself, then honestly write down the desires that are relevant at the moment. Along with this, write down what has made you happy lately.
- Now look at which area each item on the list belongs to (health, wealth, family, friends).
- As a result, opposite each desire (it is your actual need), you see the sphere of its realization. This is the priority area. The more often an area appears, the higher its priority.
Make a list of your own priorities and keep it handy at all times. He will help you make decisions. Remember that if you honestly wrote all desires, then this is your true “I”, which will not be satisfied if the leading need is ignored. This will cause internal fragmentation.
Eliminate all “must”
A person is happy when he is in harmony with himself. And the concept of happiness is different for all people. Therefore, one cannot think in stereotypes and social “must”. Learn more about this from the article “How to live happily and enjoy life – advice from a psychologist.”
I also recommend reading the articles “How to stop being lazy and start acting – advice from a psychologist”, “How to love yourself and increase self-esteem”, “Think positively: thoughts with positive thinking – how to learn “.
