Why do some people achieve everything they want in life. And others cannot succeed, no matter how hard they try? Why does one get everything, while others get nothing? Why do some seem to be pursued by good luck, while others seem to be born under an unlucky star? Someone calls it evil fate and fate, but in fact, each person can become a genius in the field of life. Fate can be changed.
Life scenario
People who blame bad luck for their failures are partly right. Only it is not evil fate that is to blame, but the life scenario (aka fate). But the script can be changed, rewritten, corrected. This means that everything depends on the person himself. Let’s see what a life scenario is.
Each person’s life scenario is written by his parents and the social environment of development. By the time the child is six years old, the base of the script has been formed. In the future, a person will slightly deviate from him, but in general, all events and meetings in life are already predetermined. There are several types of scenarios, but within the framework of this topic, the division into losers scenarios and winners scenarios is interesting. Let’s take a closer look.
Winner scenarios
Winners know how to set goals and always achieve them. They are confident, open, sociable, sincere and active. Accept and love themselves, life, other people. Winners live in harmony with themselves and the world. They easily overcome failures, perceive them as experience and a base for future victories. From the outside it seems that for such people everything goes like clockwork, develops by itself.
Such people, as a rule, were desirable children. They were loved and supported. Their needs were treated attentively, they were allowed to express their feelings, they were given freedom in all its manifestations. All the child’s endeavors were supported. The parents told him: “we love you,” “we believe in you,” “you can handle it,” “you’re good,” etc. As a rule, the parents of the winners are the winners themselves.
Losers scenarios
Other children were less fortunate. Their parents adhered to a different parenting style, an integral part of which was censure and suppression or overprotection. As in the winner scenario, the child learns the norms and rules of behavior demonstrated by the parents. Only the exact opposite example. The family is prohibited from expressing feelings and emotions, the needs of the child are constantly suppressed. Parents do not know how to talk to each other, do not want to take care of the child. They constantly repeat: “you won’t succeed,” “where you are going,” “get it out of your head,” “you will always be a failure,” “everyone has normal children, and you,” and so on.
Losers are not ready for life. They do not know themselves, and therefore do not know what they want from life. Therefore, they do not know how to set goals. Losers are not self-confident, and therefore they do not know how to achieve goals. In any situation, a loser thinks “nothing will come of it anyway,” and therefore does not even try to do something. Losers become outsiders in life.
They are programmed to self-destruct, constantly arrange internal sabotage, create situations of failure. They take on overwhelming tasks or too many responsibilities that they cannot cope with, and then they think: “as always,” “there is no happiness in life,” “this is all I am,” “again I am for the old.” They often get sick, suffer from addictions. It is difficult for them to find a job, to stay on it, and even more so to achieve promotion and growth. Losers often get drunk with grief and, in the voice of a parent, say to themselves: “You are still not capable of anything.”
However, they perceive the endless series of failures as an accident or bad luck. They do not recognize their responsibility, because they simply do not see it, do not notice patterns and connections with the past.
Losers come from families where parents are also losers. Therefore, alcoholism or a criminal lifestyle is usually passed on from generation to generation. However, this is not always the case, anyone can break the script and become a winner if they want. The past does not determine the future. It depends on the personality itself.
How not to be an outsider
The life scenario theory belongs to the American psychologist Eric Berne. He also owns another theory, according to which there are three “I” in each person: a child, an adult, a parent. For a happy and successful life, all three states must be in harmony (equal development), and a person must be able to manage them, switch from one to another, depending on the situation. If one of the “I” prevails or the inner “I” control the person, and not he them, then you should not expect happiness in life.
Those people whose inner parent and child is stronger than an adult continue life according to an imposed scenario. They constantly hear the voices of their parents within themselves. More precisely, they are engaged in an internal dispute: the parent orders, prohibits or punishes, and the child acts out of spite. To get rid of the loser scenario, not to be an outsider in life, it is necessary to cultivate an adult attitude.
How to achieve this:
- The loser didn’t have enough love. His need has not yet been met. Therefore, it is worth starting work on oneself with self-acceptance and the development of love for oneself. Talk to your inner child, give him what the parents didn’t give.
- Think of a major parental prohibition, criticism, or censure. Now realize that until now you have lived for your parents, doing everything to spite them. You don’t care what to do, as long as it is contrary to your parents. But do you need it? Once you think about the problem, I think there is no success. This is not what you want. Allow yourself to stop proving and defending yourself. You have become an adult, you are no longer dependent on your parents, you can live your life. You have to live your life.
- Now you need to get to know yourself and understand what “your own life” is. It is necessary to determine your potential. You must determine your temperament, character (including strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses), abilities and inclinations, mental properties, needs and other individual psychological characteristics. You must understand who you are and what you want.
- Define a purpose in life and conditions for realizing the potential. Don’t look at other people’s successes, stop comparing yourself to other geniuses in life. If you define your path and natural inclinations, you follow this, then you will certainly achieve success. You just need to understand what your vocation and purpose are.
Geniuses (winners) realize even the minimum potential and achieve success through this. Losers, even with a rich natural potential, remain outsiders. Remember: to become an artist, singer, musician, engineer, builder, etc., you need to study a lot and go towards your goal. 99% of success depends on perseverance and hard work, and only 1% on a person’s ability. But in the area in which there are inclinations and interest, it will be easier to achieve success. It will take less energy to develop abilities.
Differences between geniuses and outsiders
The life scenario determines the thinking and behavior of a person. Successful and unsuccessful people have several significant differences:
- Geniuses help and motivate, outsiders criticize.
- Successful people know how to work in a team, share a victory. Unsuccessful people take everything for themselves, do not know how to work in a team.
- Successful people know how to forgive and be grateful. Unsuccessful people hold grudges, conflict, insult.
- Geniuses live in the present, but at the same time they accept and remember the past, look into the future. Outsiders are fixated on the past or live for one day.
- Successful people share their experience and information. Unsuccessful people withhold information.
- Geniuses are responsible for their lives, words, deeds and their consequences. Outsiders try to shift responsibility onto other people or circumstances.
- Successful people discuss ideas, opinions, personality traits, or actions. Unsuccessful people discuss and criticize other people.
- Geniuses adhere to positive thinking, bring joy. Outsiders are pessimistic and negative.
- Successful people are constantly expanding their comfort zone, ready for change, open to new things. Unsuccessful people are afraid of change, even if the current conditions do not suit, harm.
- Geniuses want other people to succeed. Outsiders hope other people fail.
- Successful people are constantly developing and learning. Outsiders think they know everything.
- Geniuses know how to think in a systematic way, consider different points of view, listen to the opinions of other people. Outsiders consider only one point of view, usually their own or an authority figure.
- Successful people know what they want and set goals. Unsuccessful people do not know what they want, they go with the flow of life.
Read more about the life scenario in the article “Life scenario: what is it in psychology, its structure and types. Life scenario theory by E. Bern. How to Change a Life Scenario ”. And about the transactional analysis (three “I”) in the article “Child, adult, parent – a description of the theory of E. Bern in psychology.”
