Perfectionism is a personality trait that causes many mental disorders and illnesses (workaholism, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders) and makes life worse. The society puts forward high demands on all its participants, in recent years the problem of perfectionism has become aggravated.
What is perfectionism
Perfectionism is the desire to follow high standards of activity, to independently put forward requirements for personality and activity. As a rule, these requirements are too high, and the person himself is convinced of the possibility of achieving the best, ideal. Moreover, he is not only convinced of the possibility of achieving the best, but also believes that he is obliged to achieve the best.
The term “perfectionism” comes from the Latin perfectus, which literally translates as “absolute perfection.” Perfection becomes the goal of human life.
In Russian psychology, they started talking about the problem of perfectionism not so long ago – at the beginning of the 21st century. Since then, researchers have been able to establish a link between perfectionism and depressive personality tendencies.
This article deals with neurotic perfectionism, which is characterized by:
- An individual’s preoccupation with the shortcomings of themselves and their activities, their own mistakes. Moving forward due to the fear of failure or disappointment of others, and not for the sake of the need to achieve goals and develop.
- Uncertainty about the result (product) of the activity, its quality.
- The importance of parents’ assessments and expectations at any age (researchers are convinced that it is parents who are the source of perfectionism).
Signs of perfectionism
Domestic psychologists N.G. Garanyan, A. B. Kholmogorova and T. Yu. Yudeeva identified the following signs of perfectionism:
- overestimated performance standards and overestimated claims that do not correspond to individual capabilities;
- the same high demands and expectations in relation to other people;
- the belief that others have high expectations of the individual;
- constant comparison of oneself with other people, mostly successful in representing the personality itself;
- the principle of life and activity “all or nothing”;
- ignoring their own successes, focusing on the failures of the individual.
The researchers point out that perfectionism is a disease of the 21st century.
Reasons for perfectionism
In psychoanalytic theory, there are several points of view regarding the causes of perfectionism. So, Z. Freud believed that the striving for perfection is caused by the repression of drives. K. Jung considered this to be an innate property, a manifestation of selfhood. A. Adler also considered the striving for perfection to be a natural phenomenon, a stimulus without which life is impossible. But these opinions are more likely to refer to healthy perfectionism, rather than pathological.
Every person needs to improve themselves, but when this feature is accentuated, life turns into existence. With a neurotic need for perfection, the image of the ideal self prevails, that is, a distortion of the self-concept of personality occurs.
The tendency towards perfectionism is formed in preschool and primary school age. Prerequisites for the formation – features of family education. Perfectionists are more likely to be the only children in the family or the first-born. In addition, children at risk are children whose parents:
- overly critical and demanding;
- set high expectations and standards of behavior, use indirect criticism;
- do not express approval or express it conditionally, inconsistently;
- they themselves suffer from perfectionism and teach this behavior by personal example.
A prerequisite for perfectionism is the need to seek parental love, praising the child solely for achievements. As a result, the child learns to avoid criticism and disapproval, to do everything to be loved. The future perfectionist grows up with a belief in the impossibility of making mistakes, fear, anxiety, insecurity. The child lacks support, a sense of security, support.
Thus, there are 2 interrelated main reasons for perfectionism:
- Unmet need for love. Inside a person lives a childish attitude “if I am perfect, I try and do everything perfectly, then my parents will love me.”
- Lack of self-esteem. A person constantly proves something to himself, tries to rise in his own eyes, to begin to love and respect himself.
Types of perfectionism
Perfectionism can be healthy, personality-promoting, and pathological (neurotic). In the first case, a person sets real, but difficult goals for himself, achieves them and experiences satisfaction from overcoming difficulties. With neurotic perfectionism, the personality does not at all reckon with its own potential and capabilities, self-improvement becomes a goal, not a way, goals are inadequate. A neurotic perfectionist is never satisfied with the results of an activity, as he always believes that he could have done better.
Healthy perfectionism is characterized by:
- An active life position of the individual, confidence in the ability to cope with stress.
- Considering threats and difficulties as opportunities and new paths for development.
- High ability to adapt to new conditions, the ability to take risks, accept life changes.
- Feeling happy and satisfied with life.
- A positive outlook on the future, striving to achieve goals.
- Adequate self-esteem, acceptance of one’s own strengths and weaknesses, opportunities and limitations.
- Independence, focus on one’s own convictions, confidence, independence in choosing a life path.
- Personal development, a sense of one’s own growth and self-realization.
- Energy and cheerfulness.
Pathological perfectionism is characterized by:
- Self-doubt, loss of self-control in difficult life situations.
- Helplessness and dependence, retreat in a situation of uncertainty or threat.
- Running away from problems, inability to learn from difficulties, negative perception of obstacles.
- Feeling the meaninglessness of life, dissatisfaction with it.
- Feeling of hopelessness in relation to the future, negative attitude to the past, lack of a single temporal thread.
- Disappointment in oneself, dissatisfaction with oneself, rejection of oneself.
- Denial of participation in one’s own life, belief in fate and predestination, orientation towards the assessment of others.
- Obsession with the idea of perfection, a sense of stagnation in personal development.
- Apathy, exhaustion, fatigue, a feeling of exhaustion of personal resources.
In turn, unhealthy perfectionism in orientation is:
- Personally oriented. All the exactingness of the personality is directed at itself. A person has an intrinsic motivation for self-improvement, high personal standards, a tendency to set unattainable or hardly achievable goals, increased self-criticism and self-control, reflection turning into self-flagellation. A perfectionist of this type is intolerant of his own failures and shortcomings, prone to self-accusations.
- Outwardly oriented. This type of personality is able to accept its own shortcomings, but does not forgive others for mistakes and imperfections. He is demanding of others, sets high standards, tends to compose and focus on ideal images, for example, the image of an ideal woman.
- Socially attributed perfectionism. A person of this type is convinced that those around him expect great success from him and will not fail. To avoid negative assessment and criticism, a person is obliged to comply with social standards, even if they seem to be impracticable.
Perfectionism: Good or Bad
Perfectionism is the result of a destructive, authoritarian style of parenting in which:
- great hopes are pinned on the child, including for the fulfillment of unfulfilled dreams of parents;
- parents forbid the child to make his own mistakes and repeat their mistakes;
- require a regular increase in achievements.
In the future, all actions of a perfectionist will be aimed at achieving higher results in order to feel their own worth and receive love.
As a child, the child gets first places in all Olympiads, studies with excellent marks. Gets approval and feels important. Such patterns of behavior become entrenched and pass into adulthood. However, if a person faces life difficulties, does not receive recognition, he experiences strong frustration. Repetitive frustration turns into stress, which often ends in distress. Distress is a source of psychological disorders and psychosomatic diseases.
So is it good to be a perfectionist? I think no. By the way, it’s a mistake to think of perfectionists as ideal workers. Yes, they often become workaholics, fulfill their duties and strangers, but they are demanding not only of themselves. If someone’s actions do not fit into the perfectionist’s system, then conflict cannot be avoided.
How and why to fight
There is no need to strive to get rid of perfectionism. A healthy look is essential. It is worth fighting with neurotic perfectionism, as it destructively affects the personality. The constant stress of the perfectionist is not good for anyone.
Correction of perfectionism must be entrusted to a psychotherapist, since only he can find out the true reasons. If this is not yet possible, then try to independently control the manifestations of the desire for perfection:
- Define your advantages and disadvantages, ask for help from friends if you yourself find it difficult. Make a list.
- Develop rationalism, learn to evaluate yourself correctly. Again, seek help from loved ones. In case of failure, consider whether there are any known cases where something like this has been done successfully by someone else. Maybe the task is impossible for a person?
- Always set boundaries and conditions for the performance of work, deadlines. This will allow you not to get hung up on details, not to stretch the task. Agree with yourself that if you have free time, you will work on the details.
- Learn to draw up a plan, highlight the main thing. Do this exercise daily, take any situations and tasks.
- Learn to accept mistakes and see their benefits. Study the information about how the mistakes of scientists allowed those to build a career, or what kind of odd situations famous people got into, how it ended. Mistakes are experience, training, a condition for further progress. Let yourself and others do them.
- Set feasible tasks that create a situation of success and increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
- Choose one area or activity in which you will assert yourself.
- Open yourself up and become yourself, forget about idols and ideals. Why would you copy someone?
- Force yourself to switch and get distracted from the little things. Orientation on the time of work will help.
To acquire healthy perfectionism, you need to accept and love yourself, forgive childhood grievances, and get rid of childhood traumas. The important thing is to stop striving for love and self-esteem, you need to work on self-esteem and self-concept. You need to focus on the real I.
Measure is needed in everything, including self-development. There is no limit to perfection, but in this pursuit one may not notice life itself, not have time to enjoy it. Self-improvement is a way to achieve goals, not the goal itself. You set a goal and understand what you need to learn in order to achieve it. And when the goal is self-improvement, then you grab everything, not noticing your own interests, needs, abilities, opportunities. Each person has a unique set of individual and personal qualities. Accordingly, everyone’s achievements are different and unique.
