Sometimes you look at a person and think: “How can he underestimate himself like that?” Or vice versa: “I would have his self-confidence.” Why does a person’s behavior sometimes clearly differ from his real characteristics of character and personality? It’s all about self-perception, which affects the attitude and behavior much more than the external assessment of other people.
What is self-perception
Self-perception is a mental formation that reflects a person’s attitude to himself. This presupposes not only a person’s assessment of his abilities, merits and demerits, but also the determination of his place in life, work, family, and interpersonal relationships. Self-perception is an element of self-awareness, a person’s vision of himself. Self-perception (adequate or inadequate) determines self-acceptance, self-esteem, behavior and attitude towards other people, success in life.
To make it clearer how important self-perception is, pay attention to its functions:
- dictates to a person what is difficult for him and what is simple;
- defines acceptable behavior and sets boundaries;
- finds obstacles or opportunities.
Self-perception is an individual’s deeply rooted beliefs about their own capabilities. Therefore, even what we spend a lot of time and energy on, we do with clenched teeth, often ends in failure. Subconscious stereotypes are stronger than any will, but thanks to the will and understanding of these beliefs, self-perception can be changed.
Self-perception has one interesting feature: at the stage of its formation, criticism from the outside exerts influence, on its basis, the child develops an image of a personality and a character of self-perception, and behavior is built. But the older a person becomes, the less the external environment affects, and more and more self-perception determines behavior and thinking. Therefore, as a rule, during correctional work, attention is paid to children’s problems. This is where the roots of inadequate self-perception lie.
Development of self-perception
Self-perception is not given from birth, it is an acquired personality trait. It is formed under the influence of personal experience, evaluation from the environment, that is, in the process of communication, education and training.
There are three ways to develop self-perception:
- Negative self-perception, the source of which is punishment, reproaches, humiliation, demands, insults, violence in the family and (or) social environment.
- Inadequate positive self-perception, formed under the influence of upbringing as a “family idol”, indulgence, helpfulness from the environment, admiration, regular encouragement.
- Adequate self-perception, which is possible in a family with a democratic upbringing style with an adequate balance of censure and praise, mutual respect, trust and love.
Thus, in the subconscious and consciousness, it is postponed which behavior is approved and which is condemned. The foundations of self-perception are laid in early childhood. It is more and more difficult to change them every year. But due to the social, and not the innate nature, self-perception can really change at any age.
Self-attribution
People tend to intuitively adopt each other’s emotions. If a person does not accept himself, releases negative emotions, then you should not expect love and recognition from other people. They will quickly sense a person’s mood and will treat him appropriately: not notice, manipulate, humiliate, etc. As well as vice versa: a person’s positive attitude towards himself makes others treat him with special honor, interest or love. Sometimes you look: an ordinary person, in his profession of an average level, and the favorite of all employees. The fact is that he perceives himself that way. But the drama is different – if an outstanding person and specialist ruins his career and life with an inadequate perception of himself.
Obviously, self-perception must be adequate. How to understand your sense of self:
- Write down the main points about yourself.
- Now write down the situations in which these theses are more often confirmed and the primary situation that defined these theses.
- Separate opinion from fact.
- Write down who was the author of these thoughts, whose opinion is it?
- Evaluate the fact.
- Should you be guided by that opinion, or your current analysis of the situation has led to different results, and is it worth taking it as a new thesis about yourself?
If you find it difficult to assess the situation, then imagine an abstract person and evaluate his actions. Additionally, work with your self-concept: draw a table with columns “I am in my view”, “I am in the view of other people”, “I am ideal for myself”, “I am ideal for others.” Compare them and determine what exactly you need to work with.
Evaluate yourself honestly, do not exaggerate or underestimate abilities and capabilities. Self-perception is the result of self-knowledge. Do not be afraid to check the veracity of old beliefs, to critically analyze old situations and memories.
This analysis of the causes and characteristics of behavior is called self-attribution. We behave in one way or another, because in our own perception we attribute ourselves to a certain type of people, describe certain emotions and feelings, fix our abilities, define our place in society. The reasons for behavior are motives (conscious or unconscious). Thus, self-attribution allows us to understand what exactly makes us think about ourselves in a certain way, to behave accordingly, and tells us how to deal with it. In addition, self-attribution predicts behavior and provides a sense of control and security. Self-attribution is an element of introspection.
Work on self-perception
How to develop an adequate self-perception with a negative attitude towards yourself:
- Correct self-esteem. More often we are talking about low self-esteem, which forces a person to belittle his merits. To correct low self-esteem, create situations in which you will be successful. Determine what you are competent at, and demonstrate it on occasion.
- Praise, thank, and compliment yourself. Every day, write down at least three points for which you value yourself and you can praise (try to have different elements), conduct auto-training.
- Build your self-confidence. A confident person is not afraid of difficulties, regularly conquers new heights, for which he appreciates and loves himself even more.
- Develop positive thinking. Amazingly, the right people, interesting opportunities, successful circumstances, when a person radiates positive emotions and controls his life, begin to come into life.
- Love and accept yourself. You are a unique person. Your physical, mental and intellectual data is unique. Write down your strengths and weaknesses, learn how to use it wisely.
- Analyze yourself from the outside: ask friends to describe you, record yourself on video. From the outside, all the features are more noticeable. Perhaps you yourself will see the problem points of your behavior and thinking, for example, a stooped back (a sure sign of insecurity, shyness, fatigue).
How to develop adequate self-perception with an overly positive attitude towards yourself:
- Correct self-esteem. Sometimes overestimated self-esteem negatively affects self-perception. Then the respectful and warm attitude of people develops into dissatisfaction and conflicts at work and in personal relationships. Overestimating one’s own merits is just as dangerous as belittling.
- Take a survey with people you know and make a list of the traits you need to work on.
- Fight arrogance and overconfidence.
- Get rid of selfishness and self-centeredness.
- Analyze yourself from the outside: ask friends to describe you, record yourself on video. From the outside, all the features are more noticeable. Perhaps you yourself will see the problem points of your behavior and thinking, for example, arrogance in conversation, derogatory barbs against other people, based on a sense of your own superiority.
If the described recommendations do not help you, then it is advisable to consult a psychotherapist. The roots of inadequate self-perception lie deep in childhood, each case is individual in content, strength, features of consequences, scale. Individual consultations with a psychologist or psychotherapist will help to work out the problem of self-perception forever.
The human psyche is arranged in such a way that subconsciously we always look for justification and confirmation of our beliefs and usually find it. This is not magic or evil fate. If a person is haunted by failure, then he is convinced of his own failure. The problem is that a person is not always aware of the specifics of his beliefs – it is not easy to understand the subconscious. That is why psychotherapy sessions may be needed.
