Emotions are mental reactions that reflect the subjective attitude of an individual to a situation, information, events, etc. Emotions are characteristic of people and animals. To get rid of emotions means to stop living. But I understand what those who express a desire to get rid of emotions mean. They want to learn how to manage and regulate emotional states.
Why you can’t get rid of emotions
Emotions encourage us to be active. They provide security, personal development, acquaintance and parting with people, financial growth. Emotions are a reaction based on our perception of the significance and influence of events on actual needs and desires.
We get angry or sad when something goes wrong. At the same time, anger makes you try again and again, and sadness gives up. We admire a person or envy him and move forward against this background. Fear keeps us alive.
You cannot get rid of emotions. But you need to get rid of their negative influence. Previous examples of encouraging activity are the positive effects of emotion. Under the negative impact of the same envy, people tend to harm the object. This is also activity, but destructive, negative. And even positive emotions can be harmful. You can scare a person off with cheerfulness or suffer from a state of happiness (say something personal with ardor).
This is what we need to learn: not to get rid of emotions, but to regulate and constructively manifest, direct. In psychology, there is even a concept of “emotional hunger”, so we need emotions. In humans, nature has a need for emotions and feelings. From birth we expect love and care, joy.
Suppressing and venting emotions
Popular, but not effective and dangerous method. Emotions cannot be suppressed. In this state, they turn into a delayed bomb. Moreover, it is not known when the timer will work. The more suppressed emotions:
- the stronger the tension inside;
- less psychological stamina;
- worse health;
- lower resistance to stress.
Sooner or later, an uncontrolled outburst of feelings will happen. The last straw will be a spoon that has fallen to the floor, and a random passer-by will fall under the arm. So isn’t it better to allow negative emotions to come out?
The easiest way to release emotions is to rationally throw out aggression in sports, cry while watching a melodrama, etc. But this is a kind of throwing out of forces into the void. For affective, situational, this is a good way. For example, relieve anxiety and irritation by squeezing out. But for chronic emotions, this is not enough. Moreover, the reasons why negative emotions arise, such an exit does not eliminate. A person will not become less annoyed if they beat a punching bag after each incident. Therefore, you need to learn to be responsible for the emergence of emotions: not to let the negative appear and to attract positive emotions and feelings.
All emotions are potentially resources for personality development. And even negative emotions and feelings can be used to your advantage.
Management and regulation
Emotion management involves planning an exit or admission, organizing the process, monitoring and evaluating. Managing emotions involves directing them in the right direction.
Regulation is the establishment of order, a system of subordination. It involves correcting direction to achieve a specific goal.
The concepts are very similar, because in psychology they are combined into a person’s ability to self-regulate emotional states.
How do you channel emotions? See both sides of them and understand your own needs. For example, aggression and envy are excellent motivators for business activity. Sadness allows someone to create, and someone in a state of irritation plows the garden (also good).
What relieves stress:
- warm bath, also with the addition of scented candles and oils;
- sports, physical activity;
- meditation and relaxation;
- breathing exercises;
- listening to music;
- reading;
- creation;
- other personal ways.
The release of emotions does not exclude gradual exhaustion. After all, energy is still consumed. Therefore, it is more useful not to allow negative emotions to arise.
Emotions are our response to external stimuli. Accordingly, there are two ways to prevent negativity: conviction in inner strength and invulnerability; a positive attitude towards life and difficulties (seeing opportunities, not obstacles).
What you need to learn:
- Analysis and introspection. This will allow you to identify weak points. Analyze in what situations the emotions that you want to get rid of arise. There and look for the reason with which you need to fight. If the cause cannot be eliminated, then change your attitude towards it. Learn to analyze emotions. Change “I am overwhelmed with emotions” to “I am experiencing …”. And then add “because …”. Once you accept and flesh out the emotion, it will be easier to identify the cause of the reaction and address it. For example: I am afraid because I am not sure of myself.
- Empathy. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others so that you can react more calmly to situations. If you assume that the employee did not get enough sleep or is going through a divorce, then you will be more loyal to the error in the report. You will be able to constructively express dissatisfaction (along with words about understanding the state), and not get frustrated with screams.
- Self-regulation. Ask yourself 3 questions. Am I reacting to fact or to my fiction? Will the situation be important in a year (two, three, a week)? Can this person and this situation affect my life? It makes no sense to be angry with a person who stepped on his foot in transport. He is a casual passer-by, and the situation is meaningless.
What to work on:
- Thinking. Take your emotions apart. Identify the reason why experiences arise within. Discuss the problem, change your attitude, or fight. For example, you tend to anticipate events. Because of thinking through all sorts of scenarios, you are often anxious – you need to increase self-confidence and accept the impossibility of influencing objective factors. I would also like to note the influence of stereotypical thinking. Attitudes like “I should be better than others” or “I should help everyone” cause greed, anger, envy, despondency, etc. Develop positive thinking and get rid of stereotypes.
- Perception. We do not react to facts, we react to their meaning for us. How we perceive events. You can get annoyed by the crying of a child in the minibus, or you can understand that this is his only way of expressing emotions and thoughts. And while he can afford not to suppress emotions.
- Emotional intelligence. Self-regulation is the highest level of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a balance of mind and feelings. The good news is that you can develop it indefinitely.
- Self-acceptance. Fears, complexes and negative emotions grow out of a rejection of oneself, personality or body characteristics, and the inner world. “If I would be …”, “Why shouldn’t I …”. If the negative comes from within, then no amount of regulation will help. It is important to accept yourself and your experience. Don’t be guided by others.
Speak and record emotions. Keep a journal or creative expression. It relieves tension, teaches analysis, indicates problems, helps to evaluate oneself and the situation from the outside.
Don’t be afraid to communicate your emotions to the other person. The phrase “I get annoyed when you … Please don’t do this” can solve the problem.
Don’t get hung up on emotions. Make sure that there is no such thing: “leave me, I want to be sad” or “do not be ridiculous, it is uncomfortable for me to cry.” Sometimes it’s enough just to shift attention to forget about the emotion.
