Just be yourself, then success and happiness will come to life on their own. Often such advice is given by the people around you. But in practice, everything is not so simple. What does it mean to be yourself? Let’s figure out what is included in this concept and how to be yourself without harming others.
What does it mean
To be yourself means to follow personal needs, desires, interests, in any situation to adhere to inner beliefs and values. It would seem that everything is simple: live the way you want and you will be happy. But besides our desires, there are social norms, social consciousness and obligations, the needs and interests of other people, which may be oppositional or neutral in relation to us. We have already touched on this topic in the article “I want, I can, I must – the rules of choice. How to combine them in life and be happy ”and in articles about healthy egoism and altruism, their balance.
To be yourself means to feel harmony, inner balance and calmness, to behave naturally. It is the unity of thoughts and actions. And every choice, and in a day we are faced with dozens of choices, maintains this balance, strengthens a person’s faith in himself, love for himself, self-respect and self-esteem.
However, you cannot find yourself once and maintain this state. If the basis of “being oneself” is the needs and goals of the individual, then it is logical to assume that the concept of “being oneself” is dynamic. A person develops, his needs change, new goals also appear. Accordingly, the personality changes, but at the same time it accepts these changes and makes new plans taking into account the new self.
Thus, to be yourself is to find harmony between the inner world of a person and the outer one. Find your calling and follow it. Understand your own characteristics and use them to achieve your goals, search for and acquire a vocation. To be yourself means to be psychologically flexible, but not to hide constantly behind social masks, but to show your real “I”.
How to be yourself
What prevents you from being yourself:
- dependence on someone else’s opinion;
- self-doubt;
- low self-esteem;
- lack of self-esteem;
- rejection of oneself;
- desire to be the best;
- negative thinking;
- psychotrauma of the past, forcing to beg someone else’s love, try to please others, live for others for the sake of avoiding punishment and condemnation or for the sake of praise;
- low level of emotional intelligence;
- ignorance of their individual psychological characteristics, inadequate self-image.
Determine what is stopping you – with this and you need to fight first of all. The second important element is self-knowledge.
Each person is unique and individual. You will not even meet two people with exactly the same set of inclinations and the same temperament. This is also important in the work of finding and preserving oneself. You need to find your individuality, life purpose, vocation. To be yourself is to develop abilities, to reveal the potential of a person.
Start your self-discovery by talking to yourself. For example, ask the following questions:
- What I like?
- What can I do?
- What can I do?
- What do I want to do in life?
- What kind of career do I want to build? Why do I want this?
- What are my strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses?
- What’s in my value system?
- What social roles do I play?
- Am I dependent on the opinions of the people around me?
- Do my parents influence me?
- What am I afraid of, what is holding me back and preventing me from living the way I want?
- What am I ashamed of, what I want to hide from others?
Pay special attention to the last point. Once you figure out what you are trying to hide, start deliberately telling other people about it. If it’s hard to decide, then you can start with communication on the Internet, or if it is something asocial, immoral – with a visit to a psychologist.
With honest answers to questions, you will gain a better understanding of yourself and an understanding of what you need to deal with: dependent relationships with parents, imposed fear of failure, stereotypes, the need for praise and approval, etc.
But the work doesn’t end there. The next step is to define and establish personal boundaries. These are the words, actions, deeds, circumstances that you do not accept in a relationship. For example, insults, non-obligation, disrespect, selfishness.
How to set personal boundaries and become yourself:
- Take care of yourself, respect your needs, don’t sacrifice your well-being. Let’s say your friends like to go to the club and you don’t like it. Or you decide to get rid of bad habits in the form of smoking and alcohol abuse. Be direct about it. If your friends are reliable, then together you will find an alternative meeting option, and if not, why do you need such friends?
- Be persistent in maintaining personal boundaries. If you are not heard the second time, then leave the relationship. But first, warn you that you will leave if your boundaries are violated again.
- Allow yourself to show real emotions, be in a different mood, say what you want to say. For a prosperous life in society, each person sometimes has to smile on duty or keep silent about something – these are elements of ethics and tact. But there is no need to bring it to the point of absurdity and drive yourself in all respects into a rigid framework, to live for other people.
- Do not confuse psychological flexibility and servility, dependence on the environment. Psychological flexibility is the ability to navigate a situation, change behavior, or play another social role for one’s own well-being and the well-being of a significant, authoritative environment. Grace is the constant sacrifice of oneself, a change in behavior and role, regardless of one’s own well-being.
- Learn to say no. Think of how many times you went to the movies with your friend, even though you didn’t want to see this movie. Or how many times you choked on bad coffee because you were afraid to communicate your preferences or admit that you don’t drink coffee. Learn to speak. This is not arrogance, not a way to offend someone. This is how you talk about your characteristics. Accept them or not – the problems of other people. It is enough for you that you accept and value yourself. And do not hesitate, there are many people who will accept your features. Of course, if you also know how to accept the characteristics of other people.
- Develop emotional intelligence. You need to learn to hear, to feel. The better you feel emotions, desires, feelings and experiences, the easier it is to say “yes, I want it”, “no, I will not go with you”, “I do not agree with you, I feel bad about this option, let’s come up with another plan action that suits both of us. “
- As for personal choices, you need to start small: the choice of leisure activities, meals for lunch, a movie to watch. Identify what you’re not happy with, but don’t make big decisions right away. You should not, for example, quit your job and go “nowhere.” First you need to understand what you want and can do, perhaps go through additional training, then find a couple of suitable options, think over all the risks and difficulties, possible consequences, spread a financial cushion.
- Take this approach in all areas of your life. Planning is an important element at the beginning of the journey to defend yourself. Later, everything will go like clockwork, but first you need to break yourself, leave your comfort zone.
How to know that you have become yourself: you are not afraid of loneliness, you are comfortable alone with yourself and, by and large, you do not care what others think of you. You must understand that defending yourself is a difficult, long process that requires tremendous willpower, determination, resilience, patience, self-respect and self-love. Without self-acceptance and self-knowledge, realistic self-perception, nothing will come of it.
Outcomes
Thus, being yourself means following your convictions, not changing your worldview in order to please other people, to please them. Honesty with oneself, regular self-discovery, healthy reflection and introspection are the main tools for preserving oneself.
To be yourself, you need to know, understand and accept your own characteristics, use both advantages and disadvantages with benefit, be able to compensate and mask weaknesses, while not forgetting to constantly work on yourself and increase their strength.
It’s easy to be yourself: to understand what I want to eat and drink, with whom and where I want to live, what I want to do, with whom I want to communicate; constantly remember this, choose and be responsible for the choice, set goals and achieve them. You have only one life, which neither parents, nor the media, nor other people, nor stereotypes have the right to take away.
