Failures in life, problems in relationships, news in the media about another tragedy, advertising, forcing people to get tested for AIDS or other diseases. All this sets up thinking in a negative way, increases anxiety, makes you scroll bad thoughts. But it cannot be said that all people are influenced. Who has bad thoughts and why, how to get rid of them – let’s figure it out.
Examples: thoughts and reasons
In the world of adults, it is not customary to talk about many things – social norms, moral issues do not allow. But from children who have not mastered social requirements, you can often hear something like this:
- If my sister dies, then I will get all the toys, all the love of my parents.
- If a dog attacks the neighbors, they will stop making noise at night.
- If I die, they will remember me, talk about me, pay attention to me.
- Grandma, mom said that when you die, we will live in your apartment. I like her so much. When are you going to die?
Due to their naivety, a tendency to fantasize, children often say things that frighten adults. But believe me, adults sometimes have similar thoughts. Only they can no longer be shared with anyone – they will be condemned, suspected of a crime, renounced, called crazy, etc. And the reasons lie not only in the overly active work of fantasy.
Bad thoughts reflect hidden desires, complexes or unprocessed psychotrauma of a person. In general, the following reasons for the appearance of bad thoughts can be distinguished:
- fears;
- self-doubt;
- low self-esteem, self-rejection;
- internal contradiction;
- fear of losing control;
- a sense of instability and danger at the present time;
- lack of meaning in life, goals, guidelines;
- psychotrauma;
- negative personal experience;
- excessive daydreaming;
- overwork, exhaustion;
- suggestibility, negative environment;
- low stress resistance;
- depression, personality disorder;
- fear of responsibility, passivity in life;
- anxiety and suspiciousness;
- inability to make decisions;
- a tendency to self-delusion;
- unforgiven grudges;
- unresolved conflicts;
- exhausting past.
Examples of bad thoughts and their origins:
- A pregnant girl was abandoned by a young man, there is no home of his own, there is no one to help, it is too late to have an abortion, or it is contrary to her beliefs. She is scared, fear makes her secretly hope for a miscarriage (so all the problems will be solved, and the girl will be in the role of a victim, innocent). It is impossible to admit these thoughts, and the girl herself is afraid of them. But it is worth disassembling the panic fear into its components, thinking over a plan of action, preparing the ground for future motherhood, contacting a psychological help center, as thoughts of miscarriage will be replaced by thoughts of happy motherhood.
- Another girl is afraid that something will happen to her chosen one and she will be left alone, and even without a livelihood.
- A young mother who is in postpartum depression sometimes thinks about killing a child or her own death.
- And that guy over there is afraid of crowded places, he often has a premonition that something will happen. All due to the fact that a year ago his friend was killed in a terrorist attack.
- Bad thoughts are not necessarily associated with fear or apprehension. These can be obsessive fearful desires. For example, a desperate child from a dysfunctional family might think about how the death of a tyrant father would make life easier for everyone.
- Or the wife thinks that the death of her mother-in-law would help stabilize her relationship with her spouse.
In the first of our examples, thoughts point to the girl’s personal failure, in the second – addiction in relationships, in the third – clinical depression, in the fourth – PTSD, in the fifth – the only option currently available to improve and save life, in the sixth – the inability to stand up for yourself, set the boundaries in the family, take control.
Or such an example: a man is driving over a bridge, he suddenly has a desire to roll into the water. It is not easy to guess that this is due to the fear of heights or overwork, fatigue from the abundance of worries and responsibilities in life.
What to do: advice from a psychologist
First of all, stop judging and blaming yourself. All people consider themselves bad if they are caught on such thoughts. You are not alone in this, and you are not a bad person.
If you think that thoughts are material, believe in the evil eye and attracting trouble, then stop believing in this, wait for punishment and punishment. Thoughts are material in the event that a person is engaged in auto-training, speaks on his own behalf, inspires something to himself. Other people are not influenced by our thoughts, at least from the point of view of scientific psychology. Words can influence, but thoughts cannot.
Next, you need to find the reason for negative thinking, admit to yourself your true intentions and hidden desires. Bad thoughts are a means of communication between the subconscious and your conscious part of the psyche. In the subconscious there are not only suppressed desires, motives and memories, but also qualities condemned by the environment, society, and the person himself. Everyone has their own list: aggressiveness, greed, cruelty, sexual promiscuity, imperiousness and more.
Each person has a “light” and “dark” side, but we want to see ourselves as good. Therefore, thoughts that contradict the desired self-image are frightening. The key aspect of self-improvement is self-perception correction:
- Good and bad qualities, motives, thoughts – this is the I-real.
- Only good thoughts, a positive self-image, the image in which we try to appear and want to see ourselves – this is the I-wish.
- The more a person denies something in himself, the greater the difference between the I-real and the I-desired, the more often there is a conflict between consciousness and subconsciousness. In our case, this translates into bad thoughts.
The denied, repressed part of the “I” will find a way out. If not in bad thoughts, then in dreams, phobias, panic attacks, depression, psychosomatic disorders.
Each person has merits and demerits, find and acknowledge your characteristics. Someone is suggestive and suspicious, someone is prone to panic, someone is naive, and someone is afraid and tries to avoid conflicts. It is important to accept your own characteristics in order to control them, use them to your advantage. As long as you deny something, it controls you, controls you. The same is true for denying the negative experience of the past.
To understand what the thought is related to, determine why you think it is bad. Write down your emotions and feelings, associations. What it really is: envy, anger, fear, temptation. To fight, you need to turn an abstract bad thought into a concrete psychological problem.
How to get rid of
The work on correcting self-awareness takes a lot of time, one might say, the whole life: we develop, change, get acquainted with ourselves anew. To make it easier to fight and reduce the severity of bad thoughts, you can do the following:
- If you want to get rid of the past, then write on paper what you care about, re-read and burn or tear and throw away. Say that you are letting go of the past.
- Any bad thoughts can be dealt with in this way. Put whatever worries you on paper. Forget about the rules of language, censorship, limits of decency. You are on your own, so why not relax and be honest? And who knows, maybe you will write a future bestseller in the genre of horror, drama, fantasy or tragedy.
- Fight your fears by replaying fearful situations. But it’s important to find a positive anchor. Think of a situation in which you felt confident, easy, happy. Remember the anchor as you look fear in the eye. Read more about coping with fear in the article “How to Get Rid of Fear – Advice from a Psychologist.”
- Find a fun hobby. An interesting business will evoke positive emotions, leave no room for bad thoughts.
- During a pronounced anxiety attack, engage in intellectual activity. Concentrating on the task at hand will help push away negative thoughts. The second way to calm an attack is to take 10 deep breaths, hold your breath each time and count to 15. Concentration on counting will distract you, and deep breathing will “ventilate” the brain.
- Exercise regularly. Physical activity contributes to the production of anti-stress hormones, improves brain function, and “cleanses” the mind.
- Keep track of your surroundings and the information you are assimilating. Maybe watch less TV and develop critical thinking. Exclude from the environment people who see the negative in everything, are accustomed to the role of the victim. From communicating with them, your life is “slagged”.
These are supportive measures. They stop the thoughts themselves, but they do not eliminate the cause. If you understand what the thoughts are pointing to and solve the problem, then negative ideas will go away on their own.
If your worries and fears approach a phobia, an obsessive state, then visit a psychologist. We also recommend that you read our article “How to get rid of obsessive thoughts – advice from a psychologist.”
