You can yearn for the past, present, future; for friends, rest, carefree time, old feelings, homeland. A person is capable of feeling longing for anything. Where does this feeling come from? Can we control it? How to get rid of it? Let’s figure it out.
The reasons and essence of longing
Melancholy arises from a feeling of loneliness, abandonment, loss, misunderstanding, inability to talk, to share your views. Sometimes it seems that melancholy appears for no reason, we are “just sad”, but in fact at this moment we feel lonely, misunderstood, unacceptable, unloved, unfulfilled, unhappy, unsatisfied. We feel that we do not have something very desirable.
“I miss those times,” “I miss you,” we say. But in fact, we yearn for our comfort, peace of mind, well-being. Probably, in those times and with that person our best moments of understanding and happiness passed.
The consequences of longing
Longing creates fear, physically and mentally draining. “Nauseous” and “nauseous” are the closest concepts to melancholy. We can “vomit” from the world, from ourselves. If a person is sick, then it means that he is doing something wrong in his life. There is nothing more frightening and destructive than rejection and self-loathing.
Though melancholy is similar to sadness, they are different concepts. Everyone is sad, but longing overtakes only those who have not found or have lost themselves, their place in life. Along with longing, there is always a hope for the return of previous conditions, habits, emotions, people, ourselves. Sadness is preceded by sadness, and after longing comes a feeling of hopelessness and depression. It is important to notice this in time and start solving internal problems. The phrase “do not be sad”, of course, will not help, you need to act.
How to get rid of melancholy
So, one who is busy with himself and his life, self-realization does not have to be bored or yearned. Moreover, this activity should be aimed at creating personal well-being and bear appropriate results.
- You need not just to occupy yourself with something, to miss everything, but to choose an activity that suits your interests, capabilities, abilities and needs. It is very important to make sense of what you are doing. You may have to go through several options for this. But remember that the goal is to find your own, not to try everything.
- Longing, like fear, fills the void. From what did it form in you? What do you want to fill it with? Emptiness and weakness are soil for melancholy. Believe me, if you do not consciously fill the void with things useful to you, then “weeds” will fill it.
- Longing is a desire to return to the past or to find something that does not exist, but the problem is that a person can be happy only in the present. By the way, if melancholy is directed to the future, then, as a rule, we are talking about fear of parting with something, about disturbing thoughts. Therefore, you need to act. Here and now.
- Feel the melancholy, experience the full range of your feelings and emotions. There is no need to be afraid of her, run away in illusion, or wear rose-colored glasses. Hear what she says to you. Now answer every question rationally, analyze every thought. What worries and worries you? These are the unmet needs that have caused the fragmentation of the inner world.
- Write down on paper all situations (the very first conditions are especially important) when you felt melancholy or sadness. For example, after parting with a loved one or after changing jobs, after an illness, a couple of pounds gained, losing a habit or acquiring a harmful addiction. Now, on the identified problem, write down the pros and cons that this situation has brought into your life. Perhaps you have more free time or the opportunity to test your willpower and grow personally.
- Work on developing a positive mindset. Your goal is to learn to see not difficulties and obstacles, but opportunities. Need to stop asking “For what?” and think “For what?” Get started now. Write down how these changes can help your self-development. Separately describe how you can resist the circumstances.
- Movies and books, of course, are good, but I do not want to urge you to sit idle on the couch and distract yourself from longing. The goal is to fill the void qualitatively, which implies active action. If books, then practical guides and manuals, scientific literature. If films, then documentaries. Although among feature films there are tapes with a very deep plot. Sometimes you decide to relax while watching a movie, but it turns out the other way around. In general, be selective, always see the end goal, significance and value of what you are doing right now.
- Play sports. This is really a truly universal remedy that corrects the appearance and inner world, plus giving hormones of happiness. Nothing builds self-confidence and builds character like playing sports. Choose the look you like and exercise regularly.
- Deal with the ghosts of the past.
- Learn not to dream, but to set goals and ways to achieve them. Longing goes side by side with concern, anxiety. So what is it that worries you? Does this alarm make sense? Can you influence the circumstances?
- Longing is dangerous because it narrows the horizons to the object of longing. It is, of course, necessary to calculate it, but then it is important to learn to think broadly.
- Write on paper what can make you happy, what would be without melancholy. Implement this list step by step.
- Learn to be happy and enjoy life. Just one event cannot negate all the possibilities and benefits.
- Give your life a personal meaning, admit your needs and satisfy them. Self-doubt, laziness, low self-esteem, passivity – this is what feeds melancholy.
- Understand yourself, accept yourself, love. Determine the conditions for your own self-realization and self-satisfaction. For example, it is enough for someone to find love, while someone needs a job to their liking. Someone wants to keep up with everything.
- Avoid idleness. “Eh, I would …”, “Eh, I would, but no money …”, “Eh, luck to others, I would become so rich and successful.” Each person is responsible for his own successes and failures. You need to take responsibility for life. Every person can become successful and happy.
Melancholy is a sign of a kind of disorientation of a person, internal dissonance, a weakening of self-confidence. Accordingly, in order to get rid of melancholy, you need to find yourself and your place in life, navigate in new conditions, make plans, set priorities, go towards goals.
Unfortunately, it is practically impossible to give general recommendations. Each person, like his longing, is unique. It is necessary to make a start in work from the individual-personal reasons for melancholy, reasons for dissatisfaction with oneself and the prevailing circumstances, a sense of failure. Each person has his own system of values and needs, therefore the conditions for self-realization are different.
