Eternal children, dependent and naive, avoiding responsibility – all these are characteristics of the Infant. Infantilism is the result of destructive family upbringing. What kind of actions educate infantile personalities, who are the infants, how do they and those around them live? Let’s figure it out.
What is infantility
Infantilism – personal immaturity, developmental delay, getting stuck in previous stages of development. An infant is an adult or adolescent with childlike behavior or appearance.
Infants are lagging behind in the development of the emotional and volitional sphere, they are not able to make serious life decisions, avoid responsibility, childishly react to difficulties (whims, tears, screams, resentments).
What attitudes and stereotypes exist about the relationship between adults and children? First of all, the social difference in the situation is realized, which means that children are pityed, they are forgiven a lot, they are not beaten, they do not expect a constructive resolution of the conflict, they do not demand anything important and do not expect much – “child, what to take from him.” So the Infant wears this mask so that he is not touched, offended, sorted out, defended, and conceded.
Both men and women are susceptible to infantility, but in the former it is more common. Is there among your acquaintances a “child” of 30-40 (or 20) years old, living with mom and dad, sitting on their necks? This is a real Infant. Older children rarely get families, often tired parents start offering their child one or another option, but he is already fine: they will feed him, wash the dishes, wash clothes and buy them. If the marriage can be concluded, then the role of the mother falls on the shoulders of the wife. The husband plays with the computer, eats, sleeps, sometimes works, but in family relationships he plays the role of a child.
Female infantilism is more often manifested in the burning of life, going to clubs, karaoke, casinos. Grown girls avoid having children, getting married, and running a household. They are kept either by their parents or by “sponsors”.
Infant or creative person?
Infantilism is often confused with a creative personality. Infantile is called non-standard, spontaneous people who adore everything bright, unusual, new. However, this is far from the case. Creative personalities have infantile features (otherwise a person would not be able to use their imagination and create so actively), but they are not infants, if this does not interfere with their life and relationships.
How to distinguish a creative person from an infantile one? The first, no matter how she looks or whatever she is fond of, is responsible for herself and others, earns her own living, pays bills on time, does not forget to eat and take care of her appearance, is able to resolve conflicts and discuss problems. Behind pink hair, a sweatshirt with unicorns and a cartoon lover may be the most responsible and executive person you know. And for those around him, he is the best support.
An Infant always needs someone to take care of. He does not know how to keep track of time, his needs, appearance, life. The Infante is not able to speak openly about his needs (let them guess), to provide for himself. He tries to remake people and refuses to work on himself and relationships. By the way, his wardrobe and hairstyle can be the most conservative.
Signs of an infant
It is easy to recognize an infantile person, because everyone knows how children behave. So the Infant seems to be an adult, but he himself:
- egocentric (there is only his opinion and wrong, only his feelings, needs and interests; the world revolves around his personality);
- playful (play is the leading type of activity in childhood, it also remains prevalent in the infant, this means not only games directly or virtual space, but also clubs, bars, entertainment, shopping);
- not independent (the will is poorly developed in the infant, he follows the path of less resistance and a life of pleasure, avoids solving problems);
- irresponsible (categorically denies responsibility for their actions and life, shifts it onto others (as a rule, these people are easily found);
- untenable (lives in one day, does not think about the future, health and material well-being);
- incapable of evaluating and knowing himself (the infant does not know how to learn from the events that have happened and accumulate experience);
- prone to dependence (inability or unwillingness to serve oneself).
Reasons for infantility
Infantilism is laid in childhood, when parents:
- prohibit the child from showing independence, especially during a crisis of 3 years;
- do not trust the child, overly control and patronize;
- severely punished for disobedience (manifestation of independence), which discourages the desire to try to do something yourself;
- suppress the will, feelings and personality of the child (they convince him of failure, criticize, compare with others in a negative way);
- do not want to recognize the growing up of the child, to let go of themselves;
- make the child realize the unfulfilled dreams and ambitions of the parents;
- cultivate the personality of the child, indulge him, bring him up as an idol of the family (the conviction is formed in superiority over others, permissiveness).
In addition, being stuck in childhood can be a defensive reaction, a way to cope with trauma. For example, parental divorce or domestic violence, childhood lost for another reason can provoke infantilism.
In every person, according to transactional analysis, there is a child, an adult and a parent. In the infant, the conflict between parent and child reigns, which translates into children’s reactions of opposition.
How to get rid of
To get rid of infantilism, it is not necessary to consult a psychologist. Sometimes his help is required, but we are talking about special cases caused by severe trauma. Otherwise, you can adjust the behavior yourself:
- Learn to be rational. An infantile person lives by feelings. Make it a rule not to make decisions right away. Set a time limit (for example, 5 minutes) during which you must analyze the situation.
- Learn empathy, understanding other people’s feelings. Force yourself to ask for the opinions of others on a daily basis, especially in controversial situations. You don’t have to accept someone’s point of view, but you must be able to hear and understand it.
- Get rid of self-centeredness. You are not the only person on the planet. You do not need to sacrifice yourself, but you need to develop sound egoism and altruism. All social relationships are built on mutual respect and concessions.
- Move away from the position “I want it or I don’t want”, get acquainted with the terms “must” and “must”. Each person has not only desires and rights, but also responsibilities. Ask your family members what responsibilities you have.
- Before talking about yourself, take an interest in the other person’s affairs, ask if he is tired after a working day, how his day went. The Infants talk more than they listen.
- Learn to make decisions. This will help not only your life, but also the events of films or articles, world topical topics. Every day, analyze a case for yourself.
- Learn to plan your day, week, month, coming years. Make a list of tasks right now.
- Learn to set immediate and distant goals, determine your capabilities and ways to achieve these goals.
- Prioritize with a long-term perspective. What do you want to become? What do you need for this? What do you need to donate? Every time you rush between want and need, make a list of gains and losses for both items. What in the end will outweigh the value, then choose.
- Provide yourself with a stable source of income, rent a house, think about buying your house (apartment). If you live with someone, do your part every day: clean up, cook food, help financially, etc.
- Ask family and friends to help you grow up: trust, do not rush to the rescue without asking, do not make decisions for you. You need to be alone to learn to take responsibility for your life. Close people are needed for support so that the Infant does not get drunk or die in another way, but you need to stop living your life for him. I have a toothache? The Infant must make an appointment with a doctor himself and go to an appointment. Doesn’t it go? This means that the tooth hurts not so much. Delayed the treatment, and the tooth needs to be removed? This is an experience. The main thing is that at such moments others do not rush with attacks (“You see what you have brought yourself to again”), but support (“Yes, it turned out badly, but now you know what to do, and you will not allow it next time”) …
- Get rid of romanticism, nihilism and cynicism. Realism is necessary for a productive life, but you can only become real in practice, through personal experience.
Forget old grudges, get rid of the fear of failure and criticism. Your parents offended you because they themselves were deeply unhappy and insecure. All people are wrong. Ask people you know about their mistakes and the lessons they learned. Errors are a very useful thing. They help to develop, become smarter and more interesting.
Infantilism of a child is the fruit of the efforts of the parents. To recover, you need to separate from your mother and (or) father, moreover, not so much physically (move) and financially (find a job), but psychologically. Infantile people always hear the voice of a criticizing or caring parent in their head, even if the parent himself is not alive. As long as the inner parent persists, tension persists, which means the desire to go into your own world or reproduce old childhood patterns of behavior.
