Are you eagerly grabbing a new business, but giving it up halfway? Or are you unable to complete even an important, interesting or obligatory task? In any case, read our article, which will tell you what it is: simple laziness, a personality trait, or a deep psychological problem.
Reasons for stopping, their solution
A worthwhile business does not come easily and quickly. Difficulty is the main cause of all unfinished business. Someone throws everything at the first obstacle, while someone gradually loses motivation and strength to fight. “But this cannot apply to all matters?” – you ask. Maybe if it’s your thinking.
Some people are completely unprepared for difficulties, and besides, they themselves are looking for them. There is a concept of internal sabotage – a person’s obstruction to himself in achieving a goal. The reason for the attitude is criticism of parents, punishment, repetition of the phrase “you will not succeed.” If this is your problem, then you need to change your life scenario. Read about it in the article “Life scenario: what is it in psychology, its structure and types. Life scenario theory by E. Bern. How to Change a Life Scenario ”.
But this is not the only possible reason. Other factors include:
- Features of temperament: extroverts and choleric people by their nature are prone to superficial hobbies, work for quantity rather than quality. Their arousal response is quick, but just as quickly they fade away.
- Awareness of the inconsistency of the case with your nature. You try for yourself, search – it’s great. You may have to try dozens of hobbies and hobbies before you find yours. But you cannot write off any abandoned business on the search for yourself.
- You take on too many responsibilities, do not understand where your responsibilities end and the responsibility of other people begins. Grabbing several things at once, you run the risk of failing in each, giving up all of them. Review your activity. Maybe it’s better to first sort out one case, and then start a new one after that?
- There is no clear goal and no visible result. You can’t follow through if you don’t have a clear goal. I want to lose weight – this is not a goal. I want to lose 10 kg in 2 months – that’s the goal.
- Weak skills of self-organization, self-control. One, albeit a clear goal, is not enough. We need an equally definite plan with tasks, subtasks and methods of solving them. How I’m going to lose weight: Strength training three times a week, cardio every day, and eating right. What is included in proper nutrition, what will be the menu? Draw up a menu for every day. Etc. The more specifics, the easier it is for you to move, which means that the chance to complete the job you have started increases.
- Excessive demands, excessive self-criticism, unrealistic goals. I want to lose 10 kg in a week – an unrealistic goal, deliberately setting me up for failure. It may be possible with extreme weight loss, but you need healthy methods and lasting results.
- There is no personal interest in the outcome of the case. Even if you need to do something unpleasant, try to find personal meaning in it, benefit. Passion, enthusiasm and creative impulses will quickly disappear if you do not answer the question “why am I doing this.” The problem is rarely a lack of willpower, more often a lack of motivation.
But these are not all possible options. Let’s look at the problem of unfinished business from the standpoint of psychoanalysis.
Optionalness as a consequence of psychotrauma
From the point of view of psychoanalysis, chronic non-obligation and non-fulfillment is a sign of unworked psychotrauma. This is how the subconscious mind protects you from repeated negative experiences. This is a conflict between the conscious and unconscious parts of the personality.
For example, you constantly miss a project deadline at work or, having prepared a great talk, refuse to talk. What makes you do this: fear of failure and criticism, low self-esteem, self-doubt, an internal attitude towards self-punishment and failure. In a person with an internal conflict, an untreated trauma, the connections of cause and effect are violated.
Until the case is over, you feel in control of the situation. Even if at the same time you do nothing to complete what you started, and it hangs over you like a black cloud. All the same, as long as it is yours. If you finish the job, then from a raw product and process it will turn into a finished product, the result of your efforts, a reflection of your skills and abilities. Next to this is the public appraisal. You are no longer in control of the situation, you are not responsible for the reactions of people.
What to do
You are not responsible for people’s reactions, but you are responsible for your reactions. The situation is still under your control. Take on those questions in which you are competent. If you are unsure of something, then tighten your skills. You must be well versed in what you present to the public, have your own point of view, be able to argue for it. To do this, you need to be well versed in what you have done, to understand everything from “a” to “z”.
But the result still needs to be reached. In addition to the tips from the first paragraph of the article, consider the following:
- When choosing a new occupation, do not rush to immediately take up the idea. Take it out for a day or two. If the interest persists, then there will be more chances to bring this matter to an end, to keep interest in it longer.
- Choose an activity that brings joy, even if it looks pleasant at first. If you need to do something obligatory, but unpleasant, then come up with a system of sanctions and rewards. For a week of fulfilling the plan – a gift (decide in advance which one), for non-fulfillment – a punishment (also determine in advance). But please, follow the established rules honestly. This will serve as motivation.
- Make a plan with dates and times for solving problems. This will allow you to maintain the pace of work, see intermediate goals, and gradually move towards the full implementation of the case.
- Take breaks for a day or two to reward yourself for your successes. At the same time, review what you have already done.
- Feel the result. What it will bring: professional growth, financial benefits, moral satisfaction. If you are looking for social approval, then consider whether this is the problem. This goal-result is more like life for others. It is better if the result will be useful for you and will not be associated with the need to get someone’s approval, love. You will give it to yourself.
For years people run away from reality and fear of failure with the help of non-obligation. In some cases, only psychotherapy helps. The real reason may be the fear of death, and the fear of parting, and a childhood memory of parting with a mother (even when going to kindergarten), and memories of an authoritarian upbringing, bullying, the role of an outcast, or just one failure that traumatized the child’s psyche.
