Is there a lie for good? Probably. A couple of times I had to understate or lie with the best of intentions. I think you did that too. But what can be considered a lie for salvation, and how justified is its use? Let’s try to figure it out.
When people hide the truth
Naturally, the most popular reason is the desire to cheat for the benefit of yourself or for the sake of maintaining a relationship. But there is also a second form of lying – the so-called good lie. When it is used:
- to encourage a person in a difficult life situation, to motivate him to fight;
- to keep calm, not to make someone nervous;
- so as not to offend a friend;
- to avoid a scandal;
- so as not to injure the psyche of the interlocutor;
- so as not to upset or disappoint someone;
- for the sake of safety;
- to set the mood.
Lying for the good very closely borders on personal selfishness or personal fears. Often this border is erased. Perhaps the most innocuous and justified lie is invented encouraging stories like “you won’t believe it, I had this too.” It is difficult to judge unambiguously about everything else.
Interesting fact: Many experiments in psychology began with deceiving participants. They were told that they would investigate one thing, but in fact psychologists were studying another phenomenon. Otherwise, the participants could not be natural or refused to participate, which would derail the experiment and slow down the development of science.
For and against
How dangerous is any, even good lie:
- It does not solve the problem, but only masks fears, complexes, anxieties, etc.
- She distorts the perception of reality, puts rose-colored glasses on a person. Imagine that one person is hiding their illness from other people. As a result, those do not know which regime in the relationship is wiser to adhere to, or, if we are talking about a fatal disease, they do not have time to come to terms with the diagnosis.
- Lying is dangerous. If a person with good intentions hides his real whereabouts or real company, then in case of problems or an accident, relatives and friends will not have any real leads. This point is especially relevant for young girls who hide from their parents who and where they meet. Or for lovers.
- Lying in the form of thinking up problems and childish excuses like “my stomach hurts, so I can’t go with you” can cause anxiety of relatives or an offer to visit the hospital. What’s next? Real examination and treatment, or a confession that you just didn’t want to go. In general, a lie can drive the author into a corner and cause even more negative consequences than the original truth.
When the lie is justified:
- You can keep silent about some fact from the past if it does not unambiguously affect the present and the future.
- If you are confident that you can handle the difficulties and they really won’t touch the other person.
- When communicating with young children in certain circumstances and due to their age, for example, you should not inform a 2-year-old child about the death of a beloved pet. However, it is better to get as close to the truth as possible and convey it gently.
- In a situation where the truth can destroy a reputation or a relationship, but hiding it will not harm. We are talking about some shameful experience of the past, from which you have learned a lesson and will definitely not repeat something like that.
- Under interrogation to expose the criminal.
- In a situation where it is required by the job description for the sake of preventing panic. Relevant for medical practice.
Lying should not be a spontaneous act, a habit. It is justified only when it has become a meaningful and deliberate decision. Moreover, it is important to understand the full responsibility of this choice, see its consequences and be confident in your own ability to cope with them.
It should be a healing, thoughtful plan, not just a lie. And if you have already decided to lie, then yourself never reveal the deception. This is the difficulty. Is it possible to live with a secret or a wagon of secrets, remember every little thing so as not to puncture?
Who are they lying to?
If you do not consider the pathological lie, then in the relationship of healthy people, the root cause is the one to whom they lie. He either does not know how to accept the truth, or is dangerous by his reactions.
This does not justify lying. But in this case it is just as inadequate as the weakness of the one to whom one is lying is inadequate. And the inability to accept the truth is nothing more than weakness. It is better not to communicate with such a person at all, but if an unpleasant topic cannot be avoided, then you can lie.
But this, in my opinion, is more relevant for “negative” lies. As for lying to the rescue, I think it is present in any relationship and depends on the values, attitudes of all participants.
Epilogue
In my opinion, the truth should be told in most cases. But if there is an opportunity to cheer or maintain a person’s calmness without building castles in the air and without harming adequate perception, then you can lie.
After all, it is better if a friend learns from a loved one that the jacket does not suit him very well or that the product of his creativity leaves much to be desired, than a little-known person would later say in disgrace. Any lie, and even more so a lie for the good, must be carefully thought out.
There is no point in lying to a person that his drawing is a work of art if it is not. Constructive criticism and development assistance in this context is a much better deed than lying for salvation. True, in this case, one has to recall the previous point: can a person be able to accept constructive criticism?
In general, you should always consider all the alternatives and check whether the lie is for the good in fact. It often leads to another choice of the lesser of evils. In the previous example, you may have to choose between resenting a friend and his public failure. What will be more useful for him in this case? For him, not for you.
Each person decides for himself whether it is always necessary to tell the truth.
