What allows a person to keep his face in case of failure, adequately perceive his shortcomings and be distinguished by resilience? Self-irony. This is an acquired personality trait. The ability to laugh at oneself protects a person from self-flagellation or narcissism.
What is self-irony
Self-irony is the ability of a person to laugh at his own shortcomings and defeats, discuss them in a positive way, recognize mistakes and discover the possibilities of the current situation. Self-irony prevents resentment, humiliation and conflict. Prevents irritation, despair, guilt, stress, depression from occurring. She maintains self-esteem. Self-irony is positive and constructive criticism.
It is necessary to distinguish self-irony from self-humiliation. Destructive humor about oneself always looks like insults, reproaches. It does not create a pleasant atmosphere of ease, but from the outside causes a desire to pity the author. Behind the destructive irony are negative feelings, self-rejection and insecurity. Self-irony passes off shortcomings for merit, humor of self-humiliation is in the nature of comparison or reproach.
Example of destructive self-irony:
- Sick person to the question “How are you?” replies: “until he is dead.”
- The man says that his ears are as huge as those of an elephant.
Example of productive self-irony:
- The patient under the same conditions answers: “It’s okay, I’m no stranger to it.”
- The man says that his big ears allow him to hear better and further.
A sign of what is
According to research by psychologists and sociologists, self-irony is an indicator of a person’s psychological health, intellectual development and personal maturity. It is also a sign of self-confidence and self-acceptance. Subconsciously, others develop trust in a person who can make fun of himself. He is perceived as an open and friendly individual. Self-irony is needed by a person for a positive and adequate self-perception.
How to learn self-irony
While learning self-irony, it is important not to turn it into bullying yourself or others. We have already considered an example of self-humiliation. As for jokes in the direction of other people, it is enough not to continue with the phrase “and you …”. They joked about themselves and that’s enough. If you are confident in the interlocutor, then you can use the same kind humor in his direction, but not an offensive comparison prick in response. For example, “if you want, I’ll give you a couple of kilograms of weight, I obviously don’t need them, but you are so thin”. Self-irony is necessary for the protection and adequate processing of insults. Then the ability to gracefully “joke” in response will come in handy.
How to develop self-irony:
- Learn to paraphrase negative expressions and see opportunities in difficulties. For example, you were fired, but before that you could not sleep well for a month. Fine! So you will have a good night’s sleep, and then you will find a new job. Or you ripped your jeans – now you are in trend.
- Study yourself carefully. Decide on what you accept and what not yet. That is, what you can joke about and what hurts. Take note of the need to address weaknesses.
- Develop a sense of humor and intelligence. They are the basis of irony and self-irony.
- Learn to relax, that is, master relaxation techniques. One who is eternally tense is also constantly serious.
- Practice self-presentation. In front of the mirror, talk about your strengths and weaknesses, and then do the same with humor. Make faces, depict the animal that you look like (everyone looks like someone, I, for example, laugh like a hyena).
- A sense of humor, irony and self-irony depends on the imagination. Develop it: find the unusual in the world around you, images in the clouds, funny abstractions to specific situations and people.
- Train yourself to look for the positive. In any curious situation, force yourself to seek benefits. Gradually, this thinking pattern will take hold, and you will no longer need to force yourself. Opportunities and interesting nuances will be automatically recognized.
- Present your situation from the outside. How would you describe this person, perceive what happened to him?
- Surround yourself with people who can laugh at themselves. It is not necessary to elicit the secrets of skill from them, it is enough to communicate. First, you will be convinced by their example that making fun of yourself is not scary and useful. Secondly, you will subconsciously learn the models for constructing such jokes and after a while you will be able to apply them in relation to yourself.
- Praise yourself in any situation, even if you fail. You can always say to yourself “well, at least I tried.” It is no less important to be calm about failures than to adequately assess yourself.
- You need to joke appropriately, and for this you need to feel the disposition and mood of other people. Empathy and communication will allow you to feel the people around you and assume how they see you.
- Develop your horizons: read, expand your vocabulary, communicate with different people, develop. You will not pick up a laconic and interesting statement in your address with a weak erudition.
- Associate jokes with childhood stories. In the company, find brothers in embarrassment and childish oddities.
- See how famous comedians make fun of themselves. Not a single artist’s performance is complete without this. After all, joking at other people and the world can only be the one who jokes at himself in the same way. When observing, keep track of your feelings (how you perceived the comedian at this second). According to these observations, take notes on how you will joke yourself and how not.
For best results, deal with your psychological problems. Why are you not able or not ready to make fun of yourself yet? Complexes, psychological trauma, low self-esteem, dependence on someone else’s opinion? Until you reach inner harmony, do not accept and fully love yourself, do not correct your self-esteem, no technique will help you develop self-irony. Self-deprecating humor is easy.
When you learn to joke, do not overdo it with self-irony. Its excess no longer looks like a person’s confidence and intelligence. This is perceived as protection, an attempt to hide behind the mask of a jester.
See how irony (positive, productive humor) differs from sarcasm (negative, derogatory humor):
