Friendship between a man and a woman is possible. It has a number of conventions and characteristics, differs from same-sex friendship, but it does occur. Is there a friendship between former lovers, lovers, spouses? Is it possible to communicate in a friendly way with a person with whom you recently shared a bed or spent romantic evenings? Let’s see what the psychology of relationships thinks about this.
Friendship between former lovers
Relationships between lovers are always accompanied by friendship. This is their essence: an easy and enjoyable pastime. Lovers do not need to solve everyday issues, although you can always discuss family and work problems.
Is friendship possible between lovers after parting? No. If the partners decide to end the relationship, not to meet again, then there is no point in maintaining friendship. In the event that the lovers were married to other people and broke up due to exposure, friendship even more cannot arise.
Friendship between a guy and a girl
Consider a situation where a guy and a girl were in a full-fledged romantic relationship, but were not married. Is it possible to remain friends when parting in this case? More likely no than yes.
Most often, parting in a couple occurs at the initiative of one of the participants. In this case, the second participant finds himself alone with his feelings and with a broken heart. For him, maintaining friendly relations is painful and dangerous. What does it threaten:
- creating hope that everything will work out, the couple will reunite;
- painful feeding of the remaining feelings;
- the inability to build new relationships.
In this case, there is no subjective separation. The partner who still has feelings does not have time to realize what happened. He continues to perceive himself as part of the relationship, but at the same time he suffers, because he has to hear about the new relationship of his former lover.
And it also happens that relationships turn into “extended friendship” with sexual contact or courtship, unquestioning obedience, fulfillment of all desires and whims (women more often continue to use the male power of their former partner, and men are more often interested in the sexual aspect). One of the partners understands the dependence of the other on him and takes advantage of this. But this only further traumatizes the one who is still in love and attached. Such relationships are unhealthy, neurotic in nature.
However, there is a condition under which friendship is possible: the fading of feelings and personal changes on both sides, a friendly and calm relationship before parting. Then the partners complete this stage and calmly enter into a new relationship. And the former closeness, warmth and care, joint experience and memories help them perceive each other as relatives, close people.
Friendship between spouses
Every second family gets divorced in Russia. In marriage and after it, the relations of the spouses develop in different ways: some become enemies, some become business partners, and some become best friends. Yes, you can maintain a good relationship after a divorce, but under several conditions:
- the separation was a mutual decision;
- the marriage did not end in betrayal or betrayal (people simply decided that they were not on their way further);
- there was no emotional, sexual, physical abuse in the marriage;
- the former spouses have a common cause or a child.
If the divorce was a forced measure or one of the spouses was abandoned, then there can be no talk of friendship. It will not work to build a good relationship even if the marriage or the divorce process was so difficult that the name of the ex-partner alone causes a surge of negative emotions (disappointment, resentment, anger, fear).
Separately, it is worth considering the divorce of spouses who have children. In this case, they should try to maintain, if not friendly, then at least business relations. Of course, provided that one of the parents does not threaten the life and safety of the child. If someone is a good parent but a bad spouse, then this is a problem between two adults. The child should not suffer because of their differences. He has the right to communicate with both parents. But on condition that the parents can communicate normally with each other.
Interesting fact: 43% of women and 60% of men dream of having a sexual relationship with a former partner. This is not surprising, because during marriage, people study each other inside out, know the characteristics and preferences of their partner. This is what sometimes becomes a sticking point in friendship. A good relationship combined with nostalgia – and now you are in the same bed again. But this is no longer friendship.
When friendship is impossible
No matter what relationship people were in, friendship after parting is impossible if:
- irritation and resentment persisted, at each meeting you want to prove something, make your partner gnaw your elbows;
- passion is alive, people are drawn to each other;
- one of the participants is attached to the other, in love with him;
- jealousy arises;
- I am tormented by nostalgia, memories are very painful.
Psychologists recommend ending all relationships if possible after parting. If this is permissible, then it is even worth changing the place of work, social circle. Or step aside for the first time, until all emotions subside, and perception and thinking are rearranged.
Epilogue
To maintain a good relationship after breaking up, you need to have great inner strength and wisdom. This is the ability of mature individuals. You can remain friends only when you completely get rid of resentment, irritation, anger. We need to recognize and remember the positive that these relationships brought, find the strength to accept and let go of negative experience, learn from it, and acknowledge our responsibility for what happened.
Sometimes ex-partners build relationships after a while. And immediately after parting, they give each other the opportunity to analyze what happened, accept, weigh, evaluate objectively.
