Shyness is a character trait in which a person is constantly shy. Shyness is sometimes revered by society and is positively assessed by the environment of the person (a person is perceived to be restrained, modest), but not by the person himself. For a shy person, this is a real problem that interferes with self-realization and communication with people.
What is shyness
Shyness arises against the background of excessive shame or guilt in a person, fears and self-doubt, timidity and lack of communication. A shy person is afraid of people and social contacts, in certain conditions, the fear is aggravated:
- communication with strangers, acquaintance (fear of the unknown);
- communication with the opposite sex (fear of failure or fear of rapprochement);
- communication with the leader (fear of power and authority).
As a rule, fears are caused by internal complexes and barriers, excessive dependence on other people’s opinions and concern about the impression produced.
There is no precise definition of shyness. It manifests itself in different ways: someone feels fear, someone is ashamed, someone is insecure or general discomfort. One way or another, this is a complex of unpleasant emotions and sensations associated with the social activity of the individual.
Shyness is more common in childhood and adolescence. Although it interferes no less, it is more explicable. Teenagers are experiencing an identity crisis, hormonal and physiological changes, trying to know and accept themselves, are often unhappy with their appearance, but at the same time want to please their peers. Hence the shyness. If the problem is not addressed, it can take root and become a character trait in adulthood.
Shyness manifests itself in emotional situations, conditions of interpersonal interaction, experiencing emotions, beliefs and opinions of other people. It follows from this that altruists, people with developed empathy and psychology of the victim, are more prone to shyness. Shyness manifests itself in the following areas and directions:
- self-awareness (body, character, abilities, and so on);
- love;
- Work;
- friendship;
- personally significant relationships or short-term meetings and contacts.
Very often shyness is present where there is interest and pleasure. A good example is communication with a caring person, a date. We are interested in a person, we are afraid to upset or push him away, we want to please him, and as a result, we are shy. Thus, shyness is a complex personality trait.
Shy people find it difficult to express themselves, from which they withdraw into themselves. As a result, they suffer from loneliness. Although alone with himself, a person may experience embarrassment and embarrassment. For example, remembering and experiencing an unpleasant experience of the past, admitting to oneself in true desires, presenting desired situations, but condemned by the individual or society. This, as a rule, is followed by self-flagellation and self-humiliation, concentration on one’s own shortcomings, self-centeredness like “I am worthless.”
Signs and dangers of shyness
Shyness manifests itself externally (grimaces, drooping head, stoop, baggy clothes, and so on), physiologically (sweating, redness) and an internal feeling of uneasiness that overshadows all other feelings and emotions.
Other external signs include:
- unwillingness to engage in conversation;
- averting eyes, avoiding eye-to-eye gaze;
- avoiding people;
- quiet and soft voice;
- passivity and lack of initiative;
- silence;
- mistrust.
At the level of physiology, it is noted:
- rapid heartbeat and pulse;
- abdominal discomfort;
- sweating;
- redness.
A characteristic feature of these sensations with shyness is that a person can experience them only from one thought of a frightening event. As a result, long before the situation, a person is embarrassed and abandons his desires, intentions, plans.
Sometimes the body protects itself from shyness by overcompensation, which manifests itself in inappropriate and pretentious actions, rudeness and harshness.
In advanced cases, shyness takes the form of a neurosis and transforms into depression. It, in turn, can end in suicide, alcoholism, aggression. Shyness is common and is easily overcome in the early stages.
How to get rid of shyness
- You need to start by identifying the cause. What stimulates your shyness? Excessive self-criticism, low self-esteem, high demands on yourself, lack of social skills, past trauma?
- Learn to control the bouts of tension and confusion that accompany shyness.
- Get rid of self-centeredness. Stop focusing on your feelings and self-reproach.
- Shyness is caused by a distorted self-image. A shy person is characterized by the thinking of a “little” person, a victim, a negative attitude towards the world. Moreover, the more a person allows shyness to absorb him, the more his perception, memory, and self-control are distorted. Accordingly, you need to work with the development of positive thinking and the formation of an adequate self-concept.
- Adjust your self-esteem.
- Build your self-esteem. To do this, it is enough to engage in socially significant activities, for example, volunteering.
- Accept yourself. Understand yourself, find out what exactly in yourself you are afraid to show people. What happens if you are yourself?
- Remember under what circumstances and conditions you achieved success, successfully entered into a relationship. What resources did you have, do you have them now? What resources do you need to get hold of?
- Learn to be confident in your abilities, do not pay attention to outside opinions and stereotypes. Make it a rule to behave the way you want. Do not be afraid to lose anything, because you will gain yourself, and this is much more important. Ultimately, the meaning of any life is living in harmony with oneself.
- Learn to communicate with people and be considerate of them.
- Make friends with yourself, learn to live happily and in harmony. Everything else will follow. If you strictly follow your inner plan and goals, then there will always be your place under the sun (work, friends, family), even if the current environment and work sphere is gone. But the new conditions will be yours, and not the one they wanted to see you.
- Expand your comfort zone regularly. Shyness can be overcome only by force, forcing yourself to contact people, to do things that frighten you. But, of course, it is more important to change the inner world, as it determines our thoughts and behavior.
- First open up to yourself, then to the closest person. Gradually show yourself to be real. Realize that this saves time and energy when dating, prevents future misunderstandings and disappointments, saves you from irritability and internal contradictions.
- Do not build ideals and do not look for idols, although it is worth adopting certain desired character traits. Talk to the people who have them. Surely every successful, happy and self-confident person will answer “I just can be myself.”
- Get involved in enriching your vocabulary, broaden your horizons, watch your appearance, work on your image.
- Learn to notice and release muscle tension. Feel your body and relax if needed.
- In a situation of increased shyness, repeat to yourself “I have the right to …”.
- Don’t be afraid to look stupid in front of other people. To do this, get together in a company just to fool around, act out scenes, talk in an absurd voice. Develop a sense of humor.
- Force yourself to communicate with strangers, for example, as an exercise, ask for directions or the time, conduct some kind of survey, for example, on the topic “Do you evaluate random passers-by?” or “Are you afraid of someone else’s opinion?” or “Are you embarrassed?” I am sure you will get a lot of positive responses, which will demonstrate the similarity of people. You are not alone in your problem, and in general, this is normal. Or maybe you find out that people are fixated on their problems and do not even notice other people’s mistakes.
- Find something you like that suits your interests and abilities, and self-actualize in it, make regular progress.
- Recognize and accept the fact that you have the right to be wrong, to refuse, to be independent; do not make excuses and do not like someone. As well as all people have the same rights. Recognize the personality in yourself and others, learn adequate altruism.
Shyness is very similar to social phobia – in both cases, it is fear associated with social interaction. It is not easy to fight shyness on your own, as it requires first of all a correction of the “I” image. In some situations, to overcome shyness and normalize the psychophysiological state, I recommend using self-regulation techniques. To fully work with shyness, you need to understand the root causes and its specific manifestations. For this, it is better to consult a psychologist.
