Partying until the morning, watching TV series for days in the company of sweets and alcohol, going to work, chaotic change of partners are examples of destructive ways of experiencing parting. They do not solve the problem, but mask negative feelings, bury them deeply. From the article you will learn how to properly experience parting with a loved one, so as not to go to extremes.
Features of male and female experience
Men tend to hide and suppress their experiences. Stereotypical thinking teaches you not to show emotions in public. Don’t show if you don’t want to, but let your feelings out in private. Accept them within yourself to experience and never return to it. By the way, statistics say that men are more painful in parting, although they do not show it.
Girls experience parting easier and faster, since society does not condemn the manifestation of their feelings. A woman is allowed to gossip with her friend, cry, shout. She does not need to suppress emotions, which means that they pass faster.
The chemistry of love
Begin the experience by understanding the chemistry of love. Love is hormones. It is generally accepted to consider oxytocin as the hormone of love, but in fact there are five participants:
- Dopamine is a hormone of mood, performance, physical and mental activity, determination. He makes you develop and develop relationships, seek an object of love. Dopamine is produced by playing sports and by eating fish, apples, bananas, green tea, eggs. So it’s time to improve your figure with proper nutrition and exercise.
- Serotonin is a pleasure hormone. There are no general recipes – do what you love. Of the products, you should pay attention to dairy products, turkey, strawberries.
- Oxytocin is an attachment hormone. In addition to love, its development is provided by affection and warm friendships, a sense of security. Foods that trigger the production of oxytocin are chocolate, avocados, bananas.
- Vasopressin is a hormone of tenderness and fidelity. It is produced during sex and is addictive to a partner. Just realize that your current state is hormonal adjustment.
- Endorphins are hormones of joy and happiness, euphoria. It is a natural drug of the body, an analogue of morphine. Where to find a new source of joy: cardio training, new experiences (exhibitions, movies, excursions), laughter, music, chocolate, sunlight. Food items include chili peppers, avocados, potatoes, milk, and beets.
- Adrenaline is a stress hormone that allows you to do even the impossible for the sake of a loved one. It is an energy hormone, an engine. The adrenaline is in extreme sports or extreme entertainment. But this is dangerous. Yes, and the breakup period is stress in itself. So there is adrenaline. It is necessary to use this energy rationally.
How to psychologically cope with a breakup
The advice on how to cope with a breakup is the same for men and women. Parting is stressful and doesn’t care about the gender difference. The internal resources of the body are equally strained and depleted. Without an adequate outlet for emotions, tension will accumulate and splash out.
- Note the divorce. Organize a ritual goodbye to your relationship. You can collect friends or do it alone. Visualize the relationship with some object, figures. Say goodbye to this stage out loud. It will be easier for the brain to accept and process the fact when you get the most out of it. This method is the most popular in psychotherapy. Start with this.
- Let me go. Forbid yourself to persecute your beloved (beloved). Do not guard at the entrance, do not call or write, do not go to pages on social networks. If you are not in a business relationship, then remove that person.
- Don’t lose your self-respect. By “catching up” and persecution, you humiliate yourself. As soon as you feel that you want to look at the page of your loved one, get distracted. Go in for sports, read, talk to your friend, but don’t go in. It’s a matter of willpower and getting rid of addiction. Naturally, a relationship develops both a habit and an addiction. It’s only hard at first.
- Avoid being a victim. It is imperative to accept feelings. Speak your emotions, state. Admit that you are suffering. Describe what is difficult for you to say goodbye to. There is no concept of “a person as a whole”. You yearn for one or more elements. Make them more specific. Avoid the victim role with acceptance. This is destructive thinking. What not to do: feel sorry for yourself, blame yourself, do nothing. Yes, you feel bad, but you have to move.
- Do not go to extremes, “zazhora”, spree, binges. Maintain your tone and attitude. Remember the main life goals, priorities, guidelines. Avoid bondage – with an inadequate destructive attitude towards life, you give strength and power to the one who is gone.
- Let go of melancholy. You miss, and that’s okay. Melancholy is a complex of negative experiences in response to the resulting emptiness. Fill this void with something useful before bad habits fill it. List your abilities, interests, and needs on the sheet. In the opposite column – the types of activities that correspond to them. Choose the currently best option by matching your current needs, interests, and abilities. Do this urgently. What it can be: refresher courses, learning a foreign language, learning to play a musical instrument, losing weight, career growth, etc.
- Find another source of happiness. By and large, you miss yourself in the “clothes” of happiness, not the person. Understanding, lightness, inspiration, cheerfulness are the main feelings and states that accompany love. Think about where you can get all of this: hobbies, work, friends, hobbies, social activity, etc.
- Remember yourself. Relationships are work that takes time, energy, and parts of the inner “I”. The results of the work are pleasing, but you often have to sacrifice something. What have you sacrificed? What do you have the time and energy for now? What have you wanted to do for a long time? Ask yourself this and make a personal growth plan. But please don’t grow up in spite of the one who quit. This is effective, but bad motivation. So you will continue to live for this person, with thoughts about him, relying on his preferences and values. Learn to live to your advantage.
- Don’t let your self-esteem and confidence drop. Remind yourself of personal importance. Praise, compliment, talk about virtues. Don’t blame yourself for the breakup, don’t insult yourself. Start your morning by confessing your love to yourself in front of the mirror, wishing you success and compliments.
- Avoid provoking your ex-lover, do not become a toy. Don’t be tempted and quit again. Do not respond to jokes and rudeness. Follow the second item on the list – completely cross out from life. Learn how to recognize and resist manipulation in the article “Manipulation: what it is and how to resist. Types and techniques “.
Epilogue
If you really want to, take the day to accept the breakup, to cry in your pillow, ice cream and TV shows. But no more than a day! And just allow it, feel the control. And the next day, draw up and implement a plan for self-development, the realization of your own desires. Go out into the world, find new acquaintances and love.
Don’t be dramatic, don’t shout that you’ll never love again. Moreover, you have not yet experienced love. You had a crush. Love is a product of a long-term relationship, it is the highest feeling that grows every year. If it has arisen, it cannot pass. But there can be a hundred pieces of love in a lifetime, or even more. So stop moping and think about how to find true love. Read about it in the article “How to Attract Love into Your Life”.
